Friday, December 30, 2011

Why hello there, cutie pie!

Jeebuz Freakin' Christ, I haven't updated this blog since August?!

Well, to be honest I also haven't had, y'know, CASH which is what's kinda needed to, y'know, BUY food at a restaurant.

Suffice it to say since then I haven't actually been to a restaurant that deserves either love or hatred since my last review buuuuut I DO see a little bit of light on the dark horizon: once I get back to Bellingham I'll be right back on the job hunt, I got a demo to cut (and a few other sample songs to do - here's to hopin' I don't get sued~!), gettin' back into college (English/Broadcast-Communications), and physical training to do.  No matter what though is gettin' a job first and foremost: with money comes restaurants to destroy/lurve.

Eh well, in the very least I DO have other blogs for y'all to enjoy which aren't (as badly at least) as dilapidated as The Bellingham Jerk and are as up-to-date as September.  Go on and re-read some articles or discover the rage for the first time, either way I'll be visiting and commenting (WHOLE PAGE LONG COMMENTARY!) once again on my regulars while paring down my watchlist because, to be quite honest I was at one point in time commenting and reading at something like 50+ blogs...and that kinda shit gets rough after awhile.

So if you notice that my miles-long worth of tl;dr comments dissapear from your blog and you want 'em back just hit me up and I'll be right back on it~!  In the meantime:

The Pen Is My Sword
http://thepenismysword.blogspot.com

Netflix This!
http://netflixthis.blogspot.com


Man-Flavored Milk
http://blaragah.blogspot.com


Soothe Your Freaking Beast
http://soothyourfreakingbeast.blogspot.com


That Bastard On...
http://thatbastardon.blogspot.com


and, naturally, what started it all:

The Bellingham Jerk
http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com

Also, I have a new Partner In Crime and a whole lotta busy to look forward to in 2012.

Here's to a great demo, yah?  Gotta start recording the MOMENT I get back in Bellingham...

Love,

That Bastard

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

NOT THAT KINDA POST, just wanted to make a note here...

So yeah, like most of everyone today I'm pretty flat broke.  Which meaaaans no new review since last month.

For those of you who enjoy my bilious writings, I do apologize and can only offer that next month should be better, y'knowwhatImean?

BUT HEY, here's a coupla things we can cover really quick...

First and foremost, didja know I have more than just this blog that I'm writing?  Hell, I even have a personal blog now and it's FILLED with all sortsa WORDSWORDSWORDS, and it's even somewhat entertaining!

Anyway, my other blogs are worthy enough that I feel it's time to step up getting people addicted to me...I mean, introduce them to my writings!  SO, here's the plan: you guys tell your friends about yer boy, That Bastard, and his wonderful writing style while I go and masturbate to porn!

Everyone got it?  Alright, hands in the middle!

Alright everyone, on three - ready?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY PORN!!

Anyway, the other thing is that I DO have other blogs, and I invite all of you to enjoy my personal blog as well.  For those of you who can't find the list I've placed on each blog, here ya go:

That Bastard On...
(http://thatbastardon.blogspot.com)

Soothe Your Freaking Beast
(http://soothyourfreakingbeast.blogspot.com)

Man-Flavored Milk (I still don't know what the fuck I'm doin' with this one)
(http://blaragah.blogspot.com)

Netflix This!
(http://netflixthis.blogspot.com)

So yeah, just hang out and check out mah stuff, yah?  Once me and my band has some stuff to post, I'll hook you guys up with links and such so you can give us your opinion.  Sounds good?  Sounds good!

OH!  You can also find me here:

Twitter: @ThatBastardFB
Tumblr: thatbastardfrombellingham
Facebook: ThatBastardFB
Naturally I'm at Googles+ as well, so hey if yer there too hit a bruddah up!

Also, just to let y'all know: I refuse to sully the Iron Maiden page with an actual comment from my shabby and inglorious self.  Instead I'll leave YOUR wonderful comments up.  If y'all haven't done so yet, go buy some Iron Maiden merch and let 'em know you love 'em.

And no, Bruce Dickinson isn't gay...but he's probably a powertop.  Oh god, can you imagine him and Rob Halford?  That'd be the most brutal gaybuttsex ever.

WITH THEIR PENISEEEEES no seriously Dickinson has, like, two kids and is on his second or third wife.

Anyway, I've got a new post up over at Soothe (alla 'bout Dem Brooklyn Bums), my Hot and Current review of CONAN TRIPLEDEE at Netflix This, and also my usual keyboard diarrhea over at Man-Flavored Milk.

Remember, I don't own ANY of these videos.  I don't think I'll need to have to, y'know, place a banner about the obvious just yet...maybe after I buy my own domain name and actually design these blogs to my own specs.

We'll see.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

Friday, August 5, 2011

7/20/11 - A Tribute To Bay City Fish and Chips

Now...I'm not, for once, going to attempt to stir up trouble and controversy.  I'm not going to get into it with any of my British followers/commentators/readers 'bout who has the better Fish and Chips and such, whether any restaurant in America can ever match up to a good ol' British pub when it comes to Fish and Chips...

No, I'm just going to say how much I fuckin' LOVE Bay City Fish and Chips!

Now, Bay City is a baby frog amidst a sea of cobras.  There's the Waterfront, a great place for poker and food and is conviently located right next to the bay here in Bellingham that also has a slammin' fish and chips plate.  There's the Slo Pitch, ANOTHER place that offers great Texas Hold 'Em and also an amazing fish and chips plate.

Dude, I could go on and on (Ivar's, H. Salt Fish and Chips, hell even Long John Silver's)...you get the point.

Suffice it to say, amongst some of these giants, restaurants that have been around for years on years you have this newbie that shows up and just makes an offering.

And that offering...is fucking delicious.

So yer boy is hanging out with a guest Partner-In-Crime, right?  We're lookin' forward to gettin' stuff done and gettin' to band practice later on but right now we're at Costcutter on Sunset, right?  And I'm all, "Well damn...I don't got a lot of money, but I'm in the mood for somethin'.  I dunno-"

And that's when he pipes up with, "Dude, Bay City is right here!"

So we go there.  He suggests the fish and chips, and I proceed to do that thing I do where I, y'know, accost the help while they're doing their hardest to live up to their own business' creed and still smile.  To be quite honest, I AM a funny motherfucker if given a chance, y'know?  I had both the chefs crackin' up by the time my food came, and y'know what?

Despite the distraction I provided, the food was EXCELLENT!

For the record, it's been awhile since I've done heavily greased food, and I really REALLY shouldn't've done the three-fish choice!  Hell, one of those lovingly breaded, deliciously fried white Alaskan cod pieces would've been enough for meh!  Despite that, holy craaaap the smell!

That heavenly, divine smell!!!  It permeated the car and had us both drooling and decided whether or not I'd offer to share a bite of my delicious plate or deathmatch each other to see who would eat the food and, presumably, the loser as well.

Serious, that's the first thing that hits is the palate-pleasing, drool-inducing smell of deliciously breaded and fried fish.  Just perfectly done!!  The fries weren't bad, if a bit overdone, but overall it's all about that fish...

Now, I had to go and kill myself by adding the clam chowder.

Oh...my...god.  Straight-up, no-holds-barred, no-excuses-given, add-more-hyphens clam chowder.  No tricks, no fancy flavor twists, just....clam freakin' chowder.  Doesn't taste like it's from a can, didn't see a can and THAT matters to me!

Sometimes that's all you need, y'knowwhatImean?

I'm certain they have other delicious fare (after all they have some pretty friggin' awesome sounding burgers, mang, and other soups and more seafood plates) but honestly the moment I tasted that fish, I knew my guest PIC was definitely in the right with this place!  Hell, I'm gonna go back again~!  That three peice only cost me 'round five bucks or so, and the clam chowder was an additional dollar or so.

Hey the price is right, the offerings are large and delicious (and greasy and heavy and awesome) and everything a deep-fried seafood platter place SHOULD be.  Seriously, if you're in Bellingham and you've got five bucks on yah and you need a meal that'll last you for the next two days, Bay City Fish and Chips got yer friggin' number.

You know what comes after a meal that heavy?  Why, it's the Brass Tacks Time:

Bay City Fish 'n Chips
1275 East Sunset Drive
Bellingham, WA 98226-3506
(360) 647-2222

Pros: I suggested to them upon the first taste of the clam chowder to be there at Fairhaven's Chowder-Off competition.  They might not cinch the win the first time around, but maaaan...this is a strong front runner!  Theeeen there's that delicious friggin' piece of fish!  Just no excuses, awesome fucking fish and chips.  Y'know, they also had sodas and other drinks and ice creams and pies and other desserts...but suffice it to say, everything was kinda dwarfed at the time by the fish and chips.  Perhaps I'll actually make a sequel post to this one just for the love of it.

Cons: Even the GREASE is good...and in this day and age of health-consciousness, that's a bad thing.  A very bad thing.  On the other hand so long as you're prepared for that, yer good to go!  I'd prefer this place if they were in their own place rather than in Costcutter of all places...also, my fries were on just this side of over-done.  Just consider yourself forewarned if you haven't had any heavy, greasy food before you go after these guys and do NOT suddenly just go "HURRR THREE PEICE FISH KTHXPLOX" and think you're gonna survive.  'Cuz man...I'm a hearty motherfucker, and that shit hit me like a brick!

VERDICT: Good GAWD that's some good fuckin' fish!  The fries didn't wow, but maaaaan that fish!!!

Rageometer: 2/10.  They really need a location of their own, not as part of Costcutter.  Also, I can't NOT point out that my fries were overdone.  BUUUUUUT I can't hate 'em since I WAS pointedly distracting them with my "witty banter."  De-emphasize wit in that phrase and there ya go.

Guest Partner-In-Crime's qoute: "Dude, these guys are fuckin' AWESOME!"

Guest PIC Rageometer: Nada, hell the motherfucker TOLD me of the place!

For more reviews about Bay City Fish 'n Chips, check 'em here:

http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/1532197/restaurant/Bay-City-Fish-n-Chips-Bellingham
(They're so new they only HAVE one review outside of mine, and it's this one here.  And they agree with every damn thing I said too~!  Greasy, delicious, good.)

P.S. - I actually hoped they had apple pie simply to spite my Partner-In-Crime who is currently back in California but will happily and eagerly share her stories of what she went through on the road with y'all and yours truly.  Love my baby, but maaaan...she's cute when she's angry!  Plus every now and then yours truly, That Bastard, just likes to, y'know, needle her a little and if I had been successful in acquiring said apple pie I would've SO called her up, danced around while on the phone and eaten that pie slice.

For no other reason than to get her goat.

Love ya, baby!

P.P.S. - did I mention that I REALLY would've been good with the one-piece meal?  I should've done that instead of the three-piece, 'cuz maaaan...those filets friggin' satisfy!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The PIC’s Vacation Log #1 - Alone, Afraid and Wandering the USA.


Ok, so I’m exaggerating. But it’s catchy, yeah?


 So… so, so, so, sososo, so so, so… ooops, sorry.  Just thinking aloud with the abandon of a woman on vacation.   Vacation away from That Bastard.  But before I go on and on about how this Partner-In-Crime misses her man I’m gonna bust into his blog and mess with it a bit.  You see while out and about with some family members of mine, traipsing about the US, I had some major culinary adventures.  Some good and some really, really bad. So I wish to express to you my stories in the vain hope that some of you will not have the misfortune of making our mistakes.
The first adventure: Linda’s I-10 Diner


So.  One of my family members is a picky eater.  But of course she’s 92 years old, so she has every right to be.  She decides all she wants for dinner is apple pie a-la mode.  We are in Texas, the most American State in America, Right?  How hard can it be to find that?  So it begins.
We started our apple-flavored quest in Clint.  Small town, farm town, really small.  Looking for the classic American diner, the ones that used to be all around the U.S. (especially off of route 66).

Nada.

Zip.

Zulu. 

Only places still open HERE were menudo and taco shops. Oh, there might have been a pizza place but nothing that really stood out in my mind and certainly lacking of the pie a la mode we so desperately sought.  So we continue down the old highway and end up in Fabens, another sleepy little town.  Again, there’s nothing!  So we decide to head back up to the I-10 and at the last minute I catch sight of a sign that said "Diner."  A little off roading later, we're in the parking lot. We get inside and gratefully take our seats near the door.  THEN we find out that even they do not have apple pie at this so-called dining establishment!  They have cake and pudding but try as we might, no apple pie to be found.  Yet another dead end!  As tired as we were we decided to just eat there and find the pie afterwards so I decided to peruse the menu.  So read the menu and GASP, another shocker: American and Mexican food.  But I decide to play it safe with a BLT (certainly they can't screw THAT up!), and MY PIC orders a chicken salad.  I should probably note that after ordering we noticed that everyone one else in the restaurant was eating from the soup and salad bar.  We would find out why quite soon...


At this point the cook, who we could clearly see from where we sat, starts to wander around the kitchen, apparently looking for something.  He starts to argue with the waitress in Spanish, pointing at our ticket and searching.  She then heads into the kitchen and starts to help him search.  Ten minutes later another waitress comes into the restaurant and after putting her stuff down she helps them find what turns out to be the bacon for my BLT. 

I'll say that again: they couldn't find the bacon for my bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich and it took them MORE than ten minutes to do so.

ANOTHER ten minutes later we are served.  Now my BLT is plain, regular, ordinary, but at least edible.  However my PIC’s salad is an absolute laughingstock!  Remember how I mentioned that salad bar?  They seemed to have forgotten that they had it.  He was served a plate of shredded lettuce (the kind they put on tacos), sliced tomatoes (the kind they put on hamburgers), and sliced dill pickles (again the kind they put on hamburgers).  The grilled chicken was just plain!  They didn’t ask what kind of dressing he wanted at any time and when he finally (after trying for 5 minutes to eat this monstrosity without complaining, a feat to try any saint) asked for some ranch she went searching in the back for some time before finally grabbing a bowl and getting him some from the salad bar.

We didn’t stay for dessert.

Later that evening we returned to the hotel with two McDonalds apple pies and an ice cream cone.  OH LOOK THAT'S AMERICAN RIGHT oh wait...

Well, I've had my say but now, as That Bastard says, it's Brass Tacks Time!

Linda's I-10 Diner
1881 N Fabens St
Fabens, TX 79838
(915) 764-2281
Pros: Right off the I-10, easy too find.



Cons: Oh, my, EVERYTHING!


VERDICT: I fear for the future of America's dining experience.
My Rageometer - 5/10 mostly was just afraid I might get food poisoning.

PIC’s Rageometer - unsure, but the vein in his forehead nearly burst.  Have you ever seen a grown man's vein come close to bursting?  I have with That Bastard, and on my very first outing now I can honestly say I've seen my Partner-In-Crime do it too!  I'm just going to say something close to 8/10...yeah, that looks good, considering he refused to talk about the experiance.


For more reviews about Linda's I-10 Diner, try some of these links:
Oh...wait!?  I can't even FIND a review for this place!!!  Well, I guess this'll be the first....


(That Bastard's very rare note: I myself can't freakin' find one either!  What the hell, is this place just THAT small of a town or somethin'?  Anyway, glad >I< wasn't there, HAH!!!!)
P.S. - Huh...first I hang out with That Bastard, who's one of the angriest and loudest men I've ever known, certainly fallen in love with!  But now I'm on this vacation with my Partner-In-Crime and...he's also a loud and pro-American guy(he has pretty good emotional control tho).  Huh...I'm seeing a pattern here...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

ALLA MAH NETWERKZ!!!

You ready for madness and mayhem, great music and better movies?  How about a restaurant review full of CURSE WORDS?!

Then yer in the right place, mes amies!

I'll also be adding these on a side or bottom text panel, so...let's see if this works~!
———————————————————————————————————-
Man-Flavored Milk! (I don’t know what I’m doin’ with this…mostly video reposts followed by nonsensical ALL CAPS writing.  I'm goin' somewhere with this one, honestly~!)
http://blaragah.blogspot.com

Soothe Your Freaking Beast (Awesome musics you may not have known existed)
http://soothyourfreakingbeast.blogspot.com

Netflix This! (‘cuz I’m tired of seeing the question, “What should I netflix?”)
http://netflixthis.blogspot.com

The Bellingham Jerk (the one, the only, the blog that started my bloggan adventures - funny reviews of eateries, diners, and restaurants around Bellingham and Whatcom County)
http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com

That Bastard On... (my personal blog)
http://thatbastardon.blogspot.com

Mah Tumblr (originally gonna be The Overblog, but it might become where I dump my writings) - thatbastardfrombellingham
Mah Twitter - @ThatBastardFB
Mah Facebook - /ThatBastardFB 

I'm also thinkin' 'bout makin' a blog for thoughts, regurgitation, and opinions with an extra shot of whining.  I dunno...also, how many of you are actual readers?  I'm a punk writer and am hucking around a couple of literary ideas to turn into blogs...namely a pick-your-path-to-adventure style one that is controlled by y'all via voting, and another one that is just straight chapter-by-chapter drop onto its' own blog.

I dunno, what do y'all think?  Anyway HIT A NYUKKA UP~!

Sincerely,

~That Bastard From Bellingham

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

SOUND OFF, EPICUREAN WARRIORS AND PURVEYORS OF CURSE WORDS!!

Soooo...sososososo.

Here we are!  Well, at least here >I< am...

Anyway, I reckon I'm postin' since I'm sincerely curious: how many of you are actually, y'know, FOLLOWING me?

I gotta admit, I'm new to the whole bloggin' thing, and it seems like I have a few followers (especially in comparison to SOME) and I'm regularly updating spread out over four blogs (a fifth comin'~!), but...butbutbut, it's hard to tell how many of you are actively actually readin' m'stuff, y'know?

I mean, are you just readin' my stuff and not commenting?  Do you realize I have a tumblr, a twitter, a facebook, and four blogs?

I dunno, maybe I'm expecting too much too soon or whatever have you...but it's kinda hard not to when I read other blogs, comment on a daily basis and note higher numbers of commentary and followers on said blogs.

Perhaps it's a simple case of "They're girls on the Internet, man!  GIRLS!" or whatever have you?  I dunno...it's late night and I might delete this post - ignore that, I own up to everything I post, otherwise I'd compromise my own good word and sense of honor.

So, let's see some commentary on at least THIS post.

HELLO...IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THEEEEERE?

Sincerely,

That Bastard From Bellingham

P.S. - I know Netflix This! is an incredibly niche blog, but there's GOTTA be some of y'all out there with netflix accounts and such...I dunno, maybe I'm marketing wrong?  Hit a brotha up.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

7/9/11 - A Date With Donuts

Why the hell am I giving you guys so many LURVE posts, huh?  Well, you get another one about a place I freakin' love: sappy, gooey, freaking delicious.

I'm talking about one of the few be-all end-all donut joints I've ever been to: Lafeens.

Now, everyone in every town has their donut place to go to, and if you don't then ya need to.  No, seriously dawg: there isn't ANYTHING better then just chillin' out, drinkin' some coffee and downin' a donut or two.

Of course ya gotta DO YER VOORKEENG OUHUTT, but seriously there ain't nothin' wrong with hangin' out with yer peoples and just enjoying a well-done donut.

With THAT stated, I won't talk about any other donut location that hasn't already been covered to death by both The Travel Channel or The Food Network and, instead, will tell you about Lafeens.

It's awesome.

BLOG DONE no seriously, there are multiple reasons to go to Lafeens, but chief amongst them is horrible coffee and awesome donuts.

They're not afraid to experiment either, so long as you're payin' for it.  There's this donut they got called the Bigfoot which is a humongous, head-sized, foot-shaped donut of light fluffy delicious and, for a truly small price (it was something like fifty-to-seventy-five cents or whatever have ya) they'll pump 'em full of delicious jelly of whatever type you want.  Mine, personally, I had raspberry-filled but I'm still drooling at the idea of a lemon-filled Bigfoot.

Now they have the usual assortment of dangerous tidbits (ESPECIALLY the crullers.  No, ESPECIALLY the cake old-fashioned.  No, ESPECIALLY the croissants.  Aw, hell...), but chiefest amongst them are also a smattering of brownies, donut holes...y'know, really the only thing that sets them apart from any other donut joint is the severely awesome taste of their donuts.  It's hard to explain, and one that while I'm endeavoring to do so...I still find it difficult to explain to you, my dear audience, exactly what sets them apart so.

So let's put it at this: they have what can only be called truly excellent donuts, made with love (or at least a lack of apathy) and given to you as fresh as possible.  Since they're normally flyin' off the shelves, you can damn near always expect a fresh, warm donut of pure awesome, either customized or not.

Now, I mentioned horrible coffee before...and yes, they truly have horrible coffee.  BUT, it's not a bad thing!  No, it's the pairing of awesome donut and terrible coffee that somehow improves the overall experience.  So much so that, once, the guy who worked there actually made me a GOOD pot of coffee...and I, offended, berated him lightly about it.

His response?  "Sorry, bro, you'll just have to come back on someone else's shift.  I mean, you want me to PURPOSEFULLY make it bad?  Sorry dude."

I won't fault the guy and I have, since then, apologized for gettin' on him for making good coffee.  After I explained myself, he understood and, furthermore, agreed.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "Oh, Bastard, that's just so...fuckin' WEIRD!" or "Man, that's just stupid.  You're stupid, you stupidhead."

Well, no it's not stupid.  Should you ever try it, YOU'D demand it each time too!

Now, the best part: in a part of the country where the entire fucking state seems to go to bed at 8 p.m., Lafeens is normally up until midnight if not later.  This may not seem like much to YOU, you city-slicker you, but let me assure you that in a sleepy little town like Bellingham (which is, sadly, getting bigger day by day) this is an awesome late-night treasure trove of culinary delights.

Now, I gotta point something out to you: ever since watching the movie Friday After Next, I've been deathly afraid of fly-infested donut shops.  Like, just the idea is enough to get my gorge rising.  This place though?  They quickly obliterate that floor with constantly clean floors, tables, and the walls not dirty at all but rather busy and crowded with local flyers.

Did I happen to mention the wonderful array of ice creams?  This is the second-best place in Bellingham to find awesome ice cream (the first being Mallards - I'll write about them some other time~!), mainly due to the nightmare concoction they call C.A.F.M.B. - Caramel Fudge Marble Brickle.  I don't even remember what the A stands for, except freakin' awesome~!!!  Not only that, but in a sector of the nation that prides itself on its' coffeehouses, Lafeens also puts out a decent espresso for the price, and they're willing to make it iced~!  Also, there SEEMS to be this humongous following concerning their blueberry donuts, a treat that I have yet to enjoy...but trust me, it's somethin' to check out m'self~!

Gah, what else CAN I say about this place?  It's worth the trip?  It's an amazing place to simply chill out and enjoy some good stuff?  Perhaps that it's right across from the gloriously beautiful Whatcom Falls park, which is also a good place to enjoy the deliciousness?

Gah, y'know what?  Enough wankery, it's Brass Tacks time~!

Lafeens Donut Shop
1466 Electric Ave
Bellingham, WA 98229
(360) 647-1703

Pros: Everything.  EVERYTHING.  EVERYTHIIIIIIIING!!!

Cons: Well, they're a donut shop.  You shouldn't be using their bathrooms to begin with, which are underspectacular and nothing special...but they're at least clean.  I wish the place was open longer, and if THAT'S all I got to complain about then they must be doing SOMETHING good!

VERDICT: Eat there.  Go there, eat there, spend money there.  You won't be spendin' too much either~!  Hell, even the PRICE is right about this place...

Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  No haet, only lurve for this establishment!

Partner-In-Crime's qoute: "You have GOT to try the creamcheese and raspberry turnovers!  Simply DIVINE!"

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  She hates it less then I do~!

For more reviews about Lafeens, check 'em here:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/lafeens-donuts-and-ice-cream-bellingham
http://whatcom.kulshan.com/Washington/Whatcom%20County/Western%20Whatcom%20County/Bellingham/Lakeway-Electric/Restaurants/Lafeens.htm
http://realestate.bellingham.net/day-64-365-things-to-do-in-bellingham-wa-%E2%80%93-lafeens-donut-shop/
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816233/restaurant/Lafeens-Donuts-Ice-Cream-Bellingham


P.S. - Y'know, there are other donut shops that get a lot of t.v. love.  Top Pot in Seattle, Beth's Donuts (I think that's what it's called) where they use potato flour or whatever, not to mention Voodoo Donuts in Oregon...but y'know what?  I'm GLAD Lafeens is a greatly-kept secret, so to speak.  The last thing we need is it to become mainstream.  While I never see hipster garbage there, one never knows, y'know?  As is it's a great place to mingle elbow-to-elbow with soccer moms, crackheads, muggles, rockers and hip-hoppers, punks and hooligans, athletes, students aplenty...well, you get the idea.  Let's hope it stays that way~!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Tiem to move once more~!

Annnnnnnd it's time to move.  At least this time I can warn ya: it'll probably be for a month or two, then I get to move AGAIN!

Dude, my triceps are gonna be SO fucking shredded after all this movin'!  Just think of it as training, that's how I'm gonna do it.

Love,

That Bastard From Bellingham

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

THERRRE we go~!

SO, just updatin' some shiznit's for y'all.  Some of you already know this crap, but if you wanna also follow me not only here but elsewheres (it all leads back to here anyway, y'know?), check it:

Twitter: @ThatBastardFB
Facebook: ThatBastardFromBellingham

SO, for my next review I'm either gonna just take it as it comes, but I still don't know if it's gonna be love or hate.  I mean, there's SO MUCH that I love 'bout this place, but there's soooo much hate I can spout...

I dunno, what do y'all think?  If you happen to be in the Whatcom County area, or as far up as Birch Bay (I'm headin' up there tomorrow anyway, lol), hit me up and lemme see what I can do.

'til then, I gotta consider how the hell to do an RSS feed, what exactly I'm supposed to do with a Twitter anyway, and (above all else) attempt to make a myspace for the blog as well.

Lol maispice.

P.S. - don't just friend me, godommot fronk, put in the subject line "love the blog" or something like that.  Hrmph.

P.P.S. - did anyone notice the template change?  Is this better?  Should I just scrap this whole thing and try my hand, for the first time in (like) seven years, at just hard coding this damn thing?  I gotta admit, my coding is rusty as fuck, but meh...we'll see.

Hit me up, leave a comment and you can read the previous review directly from here: http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com/2011/06/61911-mocha-woes-movie.html

Sunday, June 26, 2011

6/19/11 - Mocha Woes: The Movie



So, I actually have a dual little review here for you, my faithful readers.  Y'know, all three of ya...

SO, first things first.  Cafe Avellino is this little outhouse of a pretentious glory hole, quite literally a corrupt den of scum and villainy resting in between two higher quality establishments here in downtown Bellingham.  What makes Avellino so different and "special" than the other cafes and why I have chosen to direct my nefarious attention upon them like so much venom dripping from the maw of Satan himself is quite simple, folks.

They can't make a mocha to save their damned lives.  On that note, ALL the coffee I've had from there sucks, and I'm constantly confusing them with Cruisin' Coffee which is a completely different establishment altogether.

Also, hipster scum.  Hipster scum EVERYWHERE!

Now, I don't know 'bout you - I like my coffee somewhere between pitch black and bitter to sweet as fuck and obviously a milkshake with a little coffee in it.  Quite a wide range for a flavor profile, but there ya go.

Anyway, every single time (and I do mean EVERY SINGLE TIME) I request a double mocha with extra chocolate, you'd think it'd be pretty easy to make.  I mean, it's a simple order, right?

Here is a new script I'm working on, just for you guys:

************************************************

BASTARD: Excuse me, miss? (nods and smiles good-naturedly at the peppy waitress) Yes, thank you...I'd really, REALLY like a double mocha with extra chocolate, please?  Gotta cravin' that needs scratchin'.  Biggest cup ya got!

WAITRESS: OH, okay~!  So is that double espresso or double mocha?

BASTARD: Uh...double mocha.  I said I wanted double mocha, not double espresso.  'S coo though, just a double mocha.

WAITRESS: Like, two shots?

BASTARD: Yeah.  Of mocha.

WAITRESS: So not espresso, two shots of mocha?

BASTARD: ...yes.  It's a mocha, but, like, two shots of chocolate. (his grin is slightly faded now, replaced with a puzzled look)

WAITRESS: Okay, so two shots of mocha in your mocha with extra chocolate?

BASTARD: Yeah, that's good.  Yeah, just do that...that there.

WAITRESS: Okay, so what size do you want?

BASTARD: ...the biggest.  Cup.  You got.  Please.

WAITRESS: And that's with two shots mocha, only one espresso?

Bastard: ...yes. (his grin by now having faded into a severe facial expression of some disapproval and slight confusion)

[FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER]

BASTARD: (turns to Partner In Crime with a look of horrific disgust) WHY DO YOU DRAG ME HERE?!  WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS PLACE?  THIS ISN'T MOCHA, THIS IS JUST AN ESPRESSO!!!!

(exeunt)

************************************************

So there you have it, folks.  Now, the service isn't ALWAYS like this, but why the hell do I have to CONSTANTLY tell them what a freakin' double mocha is?  It's coffee with chocolate and a bit more chocolate, and if I say add more chocolate ADD FUCKING MORE CHOCOLATE!!!!

Not that it helps, it always ALWAYS comes out chalky as fuck!!!  Like, balls chalky!  Like, Chocky chalky, if Chocky was chalky!!!

Or was it Sharky...?

The half-man half-shark from Cabin Boy GODOMMOT JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING MOCHA YOU BITCH!!!!!!

Now, some of you are probably smirking at yourself, drinking your overpriced coffee in your overpriced Starbucks saying out loud to no one in particular, "Oh, Bastard!  That's your fault for going to such an establishment!"

Yeah, well fuck you pal.  My PIC likes the place for whatever reason, and I DO have to come correct about one thing: the food is freaking excellent there.  Like, GINORMOUS cream puffs, and I ain't a cream puffs kinda guy.  But if I was, this is the shit I'd want.  The kind that can feed an Ethiopian village for a year.  The kind that pro-ana types slap themselves and call themselves fat for just THINKING about it.

No, seriously though, if I go to some place and order something, I expect that something.  If I have to perform my job functions to a specific point and deliver on time with a smile, then I expect you fucking bastards to do the same, godommot Fronk!

No, seriously, do your freaking job.  Make me my goddamned mocha and I won't have to go all kindsa Falling Down up in this bitch.

Besides, you really can't screw up something so simple, y'know?  Yet, they do.

Each time.

Without fail.

BASTARD: (dramatic sigh)

On the other hand, we DID try out a new place (for us) called Handy Shots.  They have three places currently, as far as I can tell: one in Bellingham, another in Lynden, and another in Ferndale or somethin'.  Either way, their iced mocha?

OMFG, so fucking good!!!  Order it with the whipped cream, and it's freakin' heavenly.  At only a buck-ninety-nine for a 12 oz., yer fuckin' KILLER dawg!!!

Ten years ago, I would've scoffed at the idea of anything over 99 cents being good, but there ya go.  We change as we grow old, right?

Ten years ago, I also would've scoffed at anyone going into a Starbucks and declared them elitist scum.

...we change as we grow old, right?  At least I'm MY kind of elitist scum now, which is different than mass-produced elitist scummetry.

Now, we haven't had any of the food yet, but a Parmesan jack chicken wrap?  Go ahead and say it out loud, that even SOUNDS good!  I'm gonna hit these guys up sometime and THEN do a comprehensive review afterwards.  In the meantime, just accept my current love of their iced mocha and let's continue on, eh?

OHHHH SHIT DON'T DROP THE SOAP IT'S BRASS TACKS TIME!!!


Cafe Avellino
   
1329 Railroad Avenue

Bellingham, WA 98225

(360) 715-1005



Handy Shots

2438 East Bakerview Road

Bellingham, WA 98226

(360) 714-0181


Pros: For Handy Shots?  The fucking mocha, what do you think?  Add a shot of vanilla and yer freakin' ON!  For Cafe Avellino, the food.  That's...really 'bout it.

Cons: For Handy Shots, only con is I haven't eaten their food yet...and their times.  It's kinda odd, they'll close down early if they haven't had enough customers for the day, and while that's not a BAD thing in per se (in fact, some would say it's a sound financial move) it does make Handy Shots the kinda place you should call ahead or just swing by and check to see if they're open.  For Cafe Avellino, I'm gonna have to make a new paragraph...

Tiny tables, the decor is hipster garbage pure and simple, the atmosphere is the kind of better-than-thou-art ambiance that drives me into a frothing rage, and the coffee.  The main reason why ANYONE should go to a cafe just so happens to be their weakest point!  If I go to a Mexican restaurant and expect GOOD Mexican food and get served crap instead ( http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com/2011/06/3111-starting-off-blog-with-bang-and.html ), I ain't gonna wanna go back there, y'knowwhatImean?  Same thing with coffee!!  Why go to a coffeehouse if not to chillax and drink freakin' coffee?!!

VERDICT: Fuck this place and every single time I confuse it for Cruisin' Coffee, which is an entirely different establishment altogether.

Rageometer: 6 out of 10.  We go there so infrequently I sometimes forget that I hate the place...until we go there and the first sip reminds me why I fucking hate this place so much.

Partner-In-Crime's qoute: "I don't know why you hate this place so much, Bastard, especially since the caramel macchiato are so good..."

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  Every now and then the atmosphere IS kinda euch...but the bakery is choice!

For more reviews about both Cafe Avellino and Handy Shots, click on these links and sift through the employee-generated reviews and the actual customers:


Cafe Avellino
http://www.yelp.com/biz/avellino-bellingham (SURPRISINGLY CONSPICUOUS REVIEWS AHOY!)
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816081/restaurant/Avellino-Bellingham

Handy Shots
http://www.yelp.com/biz/handy-shots-llc-bellingham-2
http://maps.google.com/maps/place?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=Handy+Shots+bellingham+wa&fb=1&gl=us&hq=Handy+Shots&hnear=0x5485962ef2458717:0xd57a9ca9cd39e0f0,Bellingham,+WA&cid=10678220894979461154&ei=3xkITtfqCKXliALHsqClDg&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=placepage-link&resnum=4&ved=0CDIQ4gkwAw (SURPRISINGLY LONG URL AHOY!)

P.S. - Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I shouldn't be angry or upset over how she didn't know what size cup I wanted, and you know what?  I don't care.  Fuck that fucking place, I ain't goin' back and THIS time I won't forget!  I know I say that every time I DO forget, but hey now I gotta blog to remind me...

In b4 a new blog sometime in the future ONCE AGAIN reviewing this place and pointing out how I forgot how much I hate this place anyway.

Also, I know that NOT EVERY ESTABLISHMENT has employee-generated reviews.  I also don't care, it's a disgusting habit and one that should be pruned from the restaurant biz.

P.P.S. - For the record, I know anorexia and bulimia are illnesses.  I also know that you should eat another burger, fatty.  Seriously, to all pro-ana supporters and anorexic types to begin with...why are you reading my blog?!  It's a food column, go away and fellate your finger already, it misses your throat.

In b4 I get hounded by some pro-ana group who cannot slake my lust with their withered limbs and dry bodies, lacking the ability to make natural moisture.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Time to work...

SO, yeaaaah...I need to do work on the design of the Jerk.

Now, don't get me wrong: the content sure as hell ain't gonna change!  I'm just watching other bloggers for the first time and I realized, as I was favin' some of you and commentin' back and what-not...

Man, my blog freakin' sucks!

SO, graphic design change a-comin'~!  BUT, it ain't gonna be for another coupla days though.  Y'see, we got a busted outbound sewer line (or whatever the "grey water" line is for showers and sinks) here at the Bastardpad, and now we gotta get out of here because we're apparently growing toxic mushroom men in the basement crawlspace.

Let me rephrase this so all of my fellow horror fanatics out there can get what I'm sayin':


We are growing toxic mushroom men in our basement crawlspace.

THIS is why I keep my gun loaded with plus-p's.

For those of you who just joined up and commented, be welcomed and be prepared: I got more frothing-at-the-mouth hate/love-filled articles comin' atcha, BUT it's gonna take me a coupla days.

In the meantime, why dontcha check out my two new good friends (who have been roped into helping me move): Varolo J and "Sevententacles?"

We're gonna form the J-Club, since we all have names that start with J.  Fun stuff.

I'm still gonna tear VJ's flyers apart if he papers my beloved town with his filthy adverts.

ANYWAY:

http://www.varolo.com/village/DaiGurren (make some cash!)
http://sevententacles.deviantart.com (apparently he's the lead singer for some band out here, Anubis Unit)

Once I come back, I fry up a local coffeehouse for being overpriced, pretentious and basically appealing to ONLY hipster scum.

That and they couldn't make a mocha even to save their own lives.

Much love,

That Bastard From Bellingham

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Updatin' and some stuff

So yeah, here it is!  The Bellingham Jerk, presented and written by me, That Bastard From Bellingham!

Some of you know me and know what I'm about, while others of you are scratching your head and probably saying "Why goeth such vulgarities?  This base canard does not know his business!"

And I say to you, "BAH, you don't know nothin', mang!  C'mon down to Railroad and let's here ya say that, ya fuck you!  People don't even talk like that anymore, you don't real!"

SO, what was with those first two posts?  Before I decided to embark on this newfangled blog thing (which everyone seems to have, writing on their cute little laptops in their cute little coffeeshops where I like to go and drink my overpriced coffee and write on my cute little laptop okay now I'm depressed, hnnng), I wanted to see what it would be like to write on said blog.  What would be my goal, y'know?  What am I trying to express here?

Bah, I'm a punk AND a barbaric American...so I did what came naturally.

I wrote about something I hated, something I loved, and cursed a metric ton throughout it all.  Then I posted both of 'em here to get "caught up," including finishing up this third one I'm writing about a particular little coffee place that just grinds my gears.

In b4 SHALLOW AND PEDANTIC.

I'm eventually going to write more blogs, and a FAQ and some-such.  BUT, I gotta go pick up my Partner-In-Crime from her work, and SOMEONE'S gotta cook dinner!

So anyway, why THIS post?

Well, to say thank you for your time for starters.  To convey my appreciation of you actually taking the time to read through my ramblings, mumblings, and curses.  Perhaps you're entertained?

Cool with me, man.

OH, also, I'm currently trying different things and one of them is a "Partnership" with an equally foul-mouthed little cretin who calls himself "Varolo J."  Somethin' about advertisements and some-such, sounds like a click-ad thing to me.  Anyway, I'm gonna try AdSense myself, but if you like what you see here you can join in on it too...

http://www.varolo.com/village/DaiGurren

Dude is talkin' about paperin' Bellingham with flyers for this.  Me personally, I'm gonna vandalize 'em the moment I see them!

Love,

That Bastard From Bellingham

April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

Welcome to my blog, The Bellingham Jerk.  As a six-year Bellinghamster of some ill repute, I've often wondered how I can best present all that is awesome about Bellingham, the experiences and friendships I've made out here.

Unlike other blogs and newslets, I'm gonna focus on just a wide range of stuff, mostly based on what pisses me off the most.

Some of you don't care about this quiet, shady, delectable slice of heaven up here in the Northwest, this city of subdued excitement and tranquil awesomeness, this lustrously boisterous battlegrounds of artists, buskers, established musicians and more.

On the other hand, some of you were lookin' for somethin' to do on a Friday night in a small town with big time appetites.

Well, here you are.  Take off yer shoes, lemme rub yer feet.

Sit back and relax as I type in all caps lock, simulating the effect of yelling directly into your eardrums.

---------


April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

So yeah, I know I was writing this thing in the hopes of showing my love of Bellingham by complaining loudly, and in all caps, of what I hate about it the most when it comes to dining and such.

So for the second blog, I'm a-gonna fuck with all that and simply throw some serious love out there.

So, it's time for me to celebrate my PIC's birthday, right?  So where the hell am I gonna take her?

To fuckin' Dirty Dan's, that's where!!!

When she first came to Bellingham, WA, I KNEW I had to seriously impress her with my culinary skills.  I mean, what is a guy with a palate as refined as mine (i.e. - I LIEK THINGS THAT TASTE GOOD HURR) gonna do to win over HER equally refined palate?  I mean, it's not AS good as mine, but meh...we're cool.

So, should I take her to the usual haunts?  A fast food joint?  Someplace nice?

Screw all that, I took her to the place that has officially spoiled us as far as prime rib is concerned.  Dirty Dan's is a wonderful little restaurant in Fairhaven and while I highly suggest keeping around 150 bucks in yer wallet (a Dirty Dan cut of their prime rib will set you back around 40 bucks alone), the quality of the food and the wonderful surroundings are more than worth it.

Seriously, I consider myself a frugal chap.  Hell, I'm downright miserly when it comes to money, <cliche>especially with the economy the way it is nowadays</cliche>, and yet I DO believe in quality to quantity and whether or not it's worth the price.

Hell, in my nefarious opinion, Dirty Dan's could stand to RAISE the prices and still be able to sell properly to the public!

(Note: Dirty Dan's, please do not raise the prices.  I love you guys, and raising the prices will make it feel as if I did something wrong.  Love, That Bastard)

So, where do I even begin?  A little background history?  The story of how it got started, eh?  Perhaps how they've contributed to the local flavor of Bellingham and Fairhaven?  Perhaps tell you about the illustrious Dirty Dan himself?

Fuck that, let's go straight to the heart of my absolute and intimate love of this place.

The food.

SO, my Partner In Crime was heavily influenced from the last time we came to this place awhile back.  With that stated, we both ordered the prime rib (which has to be the most divine cut of meat ever made - perfectly marbled, usually nicely rubbed or whatever spice they use, a cooking process which ensures perfection), which SHOULD have been the ultimate reason why I'm writing today's blog.  No, seriously, it was good...

But...

But, but, but, humans are divine so to err is forgiveness.

...you fucking heard me.

No, seriously, wait, don't walk away keep reading!  Now, THIS time it wasn't AS heavenly-perfect as last time...for some reason, the outer edge was a bit salty.  Neither we nor the waiter knew why, BUT this should NOT serve as a detraction, or even a negative point in my book, from the ultimate perfection of the REST of the meat.  THAT was fucking perfect.

Fucking.  Perfect.

Now, what I was talking about wasn't that the meat WASN'T good, it's just that this visit the ultimate perfection point lay in what we ordered alongside the delicious meats.

On the side, we also ordered macaroni and cheese with lobster.

Now, I've only ever had something mac and cheese based that was fucking awesome once, and that was the Mac and Cheese with Bacon over at the Bowl n' Roll.

This?  This far and away blew it up with such destructiveness that I couldn't handle it.

Like, seriously, I couldn't freakin' handle it!

So rich, so delicious, so good...the Lobster Mac and Cheese wasn't divine.  This wasn't extraordinary.

This was Extraordivine.

This was a flavor so incredibly amazing, so freakin' complex and rich and good, I can't even describe it properly within the context of the written English language.

The lobster, the parmesean-y/garlic-y crust, the sheer goodness of the decadent cream...

I couldn't finish it.  I simply had to take some home and finish the rest later on that night it was so freakin' good.

I...

Okay, okay, hear me out, my fellow readers.  I know I was going to build this blog for nothing but ALL MY HATE, but I have to admit...some times, you're gonna get the rare gem of pure love from me at this blog.

And this is it.  Right here.

I have nothing but love for Dirty Dan's Restaurant, and you are actually doing yourself such an obscenely extreme disservice by NOT trying them out even once that it should be tantamount to the sin of suicide.

Like, palate-based suicide or something.

Also, they make one of the BEST by-request Arnold Palmer I've EVER fuckin' had!!!!!

Enough knob-polishing, it's Brass Tacks Time~!

Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant
1211 11th Street
Bellingham, WA 98225
(360) 676-1087

Pros: A satisfyingly mature environment, the waitstaff are awesome, just...everything.  Fucking everything.  Even the fluff (wild rice, garlic potatoes, etc.) that comes with the meals are freakin' awesome.  I think of starving Ethiopians every time I go there and realize this is why I was reincarnated as an American.

Cons: In this day and age, spending 40 dollars on a single plate should be viewed with scorn and derision.  The only bad thing you'll ever feel bad ABOUT when it comes to Dirty Dan's is the feeling that you just spent 150 bucks there while there are people starving in the streets.  You sick, mean, full and digesting motherfucker you.

VERDICT: May is my birthday month.  I am coming back to this place.  I am.  I MUST!!!!

Rageometer: None.  -1 out of 10.  Hell, might as well make it -10 out of 10.  I have nothing but love for this place, and did I mention that they give you a free cheesecake slice on your birthday?  With a candle and the drizzled caramel that can be requested in cute little letterings or whatever...god, did I mention that the caramel TASTES homemade?  Fucking awesome.

Partner-In-Crime's quote: "Delightfully decadent, and if it ever closes down I will raze this town!!!!"

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  Only because she couldn't finish the whole thing while we were there.  Now THAT'S sayin' somethin'!!!

For more reviews about Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant (all negative reviews are made by trolls, TROLLS I say!!!), check 'em here:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/dirty-dan-harris-restaurant-bellingham
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g58350-d464066-r10190458-Dirty_Dan_Harris-Bellingham_Washington.html (TROLLS, TROLLS I SAY!!!)
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816152/restaurant/Dirty-Dan-Harris-Bellingham

P.S. - did you know you can, for a price, ADD ONTO your main meal?  Like, a side rack of ribs or another pricey steak or lobster or tiger freakin' prawns?  Not, like, normal prawns but these huge monstrosities made with nuclear devices from the 1950's and tons of delicious?  And that cheesecake, omfg it was so good.  Let's not even TALK about the lobster.  Y'know, I mixed the wild rice leftovers with the horseradish and some eggs, cheese and bacon the next day.  Awesomest day-after breakfast evar, and I don't even freakin' DO leftovers, mang!

3/1/11 - Starting Off The Blog With A Bang (And A Whimper)


Welcome to my blog, The Bellingham Jerk.  As a six-year Bellinghamster of some ill repute, I've often wondered how I can best present all that is awesome about Bellingham, the experiences and friendships I've made out here.

Unlike other blogs and newslets, I'm gonna focus on just a wide range of stuff, mostly based on what pisses me off the most.

Some of you don't care about this quiet, shady, delectable slice of heaven up here in the Northwest, this city of subdued excitement and tranquil awesomeness, this lustrously boisterous battlegrounds of artists, buskers, established musicians and more.

On the other hand, some of you were lookin' for somethin' to do on a Friday night in a small town with big time appetites.

Well, here you are.  Take off yer shoes, lemme rub yer feet.

Sit back and relax as I type in all caps lock, simulating the effect of yelling directly into your eardrums.

---------

3/1/11 - Starting Off The Blog With A Bang (And A Whimper)

Y'know some blogs start off with a positive message YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO TADEOS!!!

NEVER FUCKING EVER!!!!!

No, seriously: Cilantro is not a specifically cultural thing for Mexico.  You do not see cilantro on their flag.  Their national anthem was not written with cilantro as the subject matter.  Cilantro, if used properly, can indeed make an already delicious Mexican dish all the more flavorful.

IT SHOULD NOT BE THE BE-ALL END-ALL OF A MAIN DISH!!!!!

For those who don't know and may never know, the Bowl n' Roll was an off-again on-again restaurant of sheer awesomeness.  Fronted by mounds of delicious beef brisket sandwiches, they were best known for interesting combinations and delectably large portions.  The price wasn't too bad either!  On the other hand, the owner didn't advertise as much as they should have and, sadly, the Bowl n' Roll either died or moved elsewhere (and if so, I'd really like to find out where!).

No, seriously, the Beef Brisket sandwich is easily award-winning, universally pleasing, and worthy of as many freakin' trophies as a restaurant should get!

So the Bowl n' Roll, sadly, shut down.  What do we get instead?

Could it be award winning, universally pleasing nevermind I won't continue that sentence and cut to the chase: what we got was Tadeo's, a Mexican restaurant that seeks to please as well as Mexico del Sol (so I've heard - gotta check that out sometime) or Taco Del Mar.

What we expected, upon sampling their wares, was something at LEAST in between Taco Del Mar and Taco Bell.

What we got was a bad roller coaster ride of bleh that went back to a dumpster dive in California and came back attempting to present itself as something Bellingham-minded.

Care to quote me?  Please do.

Now, by all means, the first bite of my chorizo y huevos burrito (supposedly con queso, though notably missing) was actually quite good.  Nowhere near as good as it SHOULD be, and with rather little huevos to be found...but there you have it.  First bite did not fail inexactly, but it didn't surprise me either.  In the end, the idea to continue eating the so-called "meal" would prove to be my undoing though.

It was that goddamned cilantro.

No, seriously, it was that goddamned cilantro that REALLY cheesed me off!  That and the lack of cheese.  The rice was good, but my god...the cilantro!!!!!!

IT WAS EVERYWHERE!

Now, let's get off of the omnipresent issue of using so much cilantro that the rest of the meal is obliterated.  No eggs to be found, certainly no flavor of them.  Chorizo is meh, but not THAT bad and certainly could've carried the burrito on it's own if not for the added cheese that I had ordered (CILANTROOOO!!!!).  The rest of the burrito fillings were somewhat good, only it was truly hard to give a verdict due to the...well, I DID say I'd get off of that train, so nevermind.  Suffice it to say, they were good but forgettable bits of blah.

Now, my biggest issue: as I ate my way through the burrito, I found less and less chorizo (I'm fairly certain they DID remember that I requested chorizo WITH eggs burrito, and with cheese.  I even pointed at it on the menu, y'know?) and more and more cilantro and chorizo grease.  It was like they had purposefully halved the essence of the burrito in order to somehow save that sweet, sweet chorizo meat for themselves or somethin'!

No, seriously, do they somehow save money by chintzing on the chorizo?  Towards the bottom third of the burrito I had nothing but grease, lettuce, and freakin' cilantro.

Now, my partner-in-crime had ordered a tamale combo of some sort.  The refried beans were from-a-can forgettable, with their cliched cheese topping.  I don't even know what else was on the plate: the tamale itself, upon a taste, was good...but the masa used for it was incredibly bleh, and the fact that even though she SAID "no spicy" and it still came slathered in spicy schlep sauce had us both going, "Wait, the waitress DOES understand English, right?"

Neither she, nor I, touched her pineapple tamale after the first bite.  Hell, the thing could be used for a weapon it was so heavy...and no filling at all.  None.  No taste either, save for the chalky chocolate syrup (or whatever the hell it was SUPPOSED to be!) they drizzled on top of it.

We paid extra for the goddamned pineapple tamale!!!!!

As a further cynical, snarky note: pretentious hipster scum everywhere.  I didn't even know Bellingham HAD a hipster scene, let alone that they congregated here in an effort to seem cultural or some-other cock-and-bull.  Admittedly, the place IS pretty obscure I WILL NOT FINISH THIS STATEMENT GODOMMOT FRONK!

So yeah.  Tadeo's.  Don't go there.  If you must, go with this warning: it sucks, the prices are too goddamned high, and the time it took to cook and prepare the food did NOT equal out properly.

Now, I can already here some of you:

"Oh, Bastard, how can you be like that?  Certainly it might have been an off day?"
Or, "Oh, Bastard!  How can you have such high standards for a simple restaurant?"
Or, "Oh, Bastard!  For all you know, they knew who you were and simply made you a bad meal to scare you off?"

Pffft, fuck THAT shit.  If I worked the way they made and prepared food, I'd NEVER have a job.  The moment we start making excuses or lowering the bar when it comes to everyone else outside of ourselves is the day we, as humans, have failed.  If upper management expects me to work hard, efficiently, and effectively with a 98% quality control, then fuck you: I'm gonna make YOU do it too, you bastard.

So, brass tacks...

Tadeo's
(364) 718-6206
(360) 647-1862
(which number is it, WHICH NUMBER IS IT?!!!!)
207 E Holly St
Bellingham, WA 98225

Pros: The hot cocoa was good.  I can't say that enough.  The decor wasn't too cheesy, and the chips were downright tasty.
Cons: The high fuckin' price, the food, the imported staff, the ambiance, the...well, if I have to go into THAT many cons for a freakin' restaurant, that oughta say somethin' 'bout the place.

VERDICT: Fuck this fucking place, we're never goin' back there again!!!!

Rageometer: 10 outta 10.  And it only goes UP to 10.

Partner-In-Crime's quote: "It's pretty bad when we gotta go to ANOTHER place just to get the awful taste of the FIRST place outta our mouths!" - upon us going to a coffee establishment simply to get the fucking taste of horrible outta our mouths.

PIC Rageometer: 9 outta 10, only because of the hot chocolate.


For more reviews on Tadeos, I guess you could get a second opinion or some junk here:

http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/1575579/restaurant/Tadeos-Bellingham

P.S. - if you happen to know Spanish, you'll probably get better service there.  If you don't, well then...good luck!