Wednesday, June 29, 2011

THERRRE we go~!

SO, just updatin' some shiznit's for y'all.  Some of you already know this crap, but if you wanna also follow me not only here but elsewheres (it all leads back to here anyway, y'know?), check it:

Twitter: @ThatBastardFB
Facebook: ThatBastardFromBellingham

SO, for my next review I'm either gonna just take it as it comes, but I still don't know if it's gonna be love or hate.  I mean, there's SO MUCH that I love 'bout this place, but there's soooo much hate I can spout...

I dunno, what do y'all think?  If you happen to be in the Whatcom County area, or as far up as Birch Bay (I'm headin' up there tomorrow anyway, lol), hit me up and lemme see what I can do.

'til then, I gotta consider how the hell to do an RSS feed, what exactly I'm supposed to do with a Twitter anyway, and (above all else) attempt to make a myspace for the blog as well.

Lol maispice.

P.S. - don't just friend me, godommot fronk, put in the subject line "love the blog" or something like that.  Hrmph.

P.P.S. - did anyone notice the template change?  Is this better?  Should I just scrap this whole thing and try my hand, for the first time in (like) seven years, at just hard coding this damn thing?  I gotta admit, my coding is rusty as fuck, but meh...we'll see.

Hit me up, leave a comment and you can read the previous review directly from here: http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com/2011/06/61911-mocha-woes-movie.html

Sunday, June 26, 2011

6/19/11 - Mocha Woes: The Movie



So, I actually have a dual little review here for you, my faithful readers.  Y'know, all three of ya...

SO, first things first.  Cafe Avellino is this little outhouse of a pretentious glory hole, quite literally a corrupt den of scum and villainy resting in between two higher quality establishments here in downtown Bellingham.  What makes Avellino so different and "special" than the other cafes and why I have chosen to direct my nefarious attention upon them like so much venom dripping from the maw of Satan himself is quite simple, folks.

They can't make a mocha to save their damned lives.  On that note, ALL the coffee I've had from there sucks, and I'm constantly confusing them with Cruisin' Coffee which is a completely different establishment altogether.

Also, hipster scum.  Hipster scum EVERYWHERE!

Now, I don't know 'bout you - I like my coffee somewhere between pitch black and bitter to sweet as fuck and obviously a milkshake with a little coffee in it.  Quite a wide range for a flavor profile, but there ya go.

Anyway, every single time (and I do mean EVERY SINGLE TIME) I request a double mocha with extra chocolate, you'd think it'd be pretty easy to make.  I mean, it's a simple order, right?

Here is a new script I'm working on, just for you guys:

************************************************

BASTARD: Excuse me, miss? (nods and smiles good-naturedly at the peppy waitress) Yes, thank you...I'd really, REALLY like a double mocha with extra chocolate, please?  Gotta cravin' that needs scratchin'.  Biggest cup ya got!

WAITRESS: OH, okay~!  So is that double espresso or double mocha?

BASTARD: Uh...double mocha.  I said I wanted double mocha, not double espresso.  'S coo though, just a double mocha.

WAITRESS: Like, two shots?

BASTARD: Yeah.  Of mocha.

WAITRESS: So not espresso, two shots of mocha?

BASTARD: ...yes.  It's a mocha, but, like, two shots of chocolate. (his grin is slightly faded now, replaced with a puzzled look)

WAITRESS: Okay, so two shots of mocha in your mocha with extra chocolate?

BASTARD: Yeah, that's good.  Yeah, just do that...that there.

WAITRESS: Okay, so what size do you want?

BASTARD: ...the biggest.  Cup.  You got.  Please.

WAITRESS: And that's with two shots mocha, only one espresso?

Bastard: ...yes. (his grin by now having faded into a severe facial expression of some disapproval and slight confusion)

[FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER]

BASTARD: (turns to Partner In Crime with a look of horrific disgust) WHY DO YOU DRAG ME HERE?!  WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS PLACE?  THIS ISN'T MOCHA, THIS IS JUST AN ESPRESSO!!!!

(exeunt)

************************************************

So there you have it, folks.  Now, the service isn't ALWAYS like this, but why the hell do I have to CONSTANTLY tell them what a freakin' double mocha is?  It's coffee with chocolate and a bit more chocolate, and if I say add more chocolate ADD FUCKING MORE CHOCOLATE!!!!

Not that it helps, it always ALWAYS comes out chalky as fuck!!!  Like, balls chalky!  Like, Chocky chalky, if Chocky was chalky!!!

Or was it Sharky...?

The half-man half-shark from Cabin Boy GODOMMOT JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING MOCHA YOU BITCH!!!!!!

Now, some of you are probably smirking at yourself, drinking your overpriced coffee in your overpriced Starbucks saying out loud to no one in particular, "Oh, Bastard!  That's your fault for going to such an establishment!"

Yeah, well fuck you pal.  My PIC likes the place for whatever reason, and I DO have to come correct about one thing: the food is freaking excellent there.  Like, GINORMOUS cream puffs, and I ain't a cream puffs kinda guy.  But if I was, this is the shit I'd want.  The kind that can feed an Ethiopian village for a year.  The kind that pro-ana types slap themselves and call themselves fat for just THINKING about it.

No, seriously though, if I go to some place and order something, I expect that something.  If I have to perform my job functions to a specific point and deliver on time with a smile, then I expect you fucking bastards to do the same, godommot Fronk!

No, seriously, do your freaking job.  Make me my goddamned mocha and I won't have to go all kindsa Falling Down up in this bitch.

Besides, you really can't screw up something so simple, y'know?  Yet, they do.

Each time.

Without fail.

BASTARD: (dramatic sigh)

On the other hand, we DID try out a new place (for us) called Handy Shots.  They have three places currently, as far as I can tell: one in Bellingham, another in Lynden, and another in Ferndale or somethin'.  Either way, their iced mocha?

OMFG, so fucking good!!!  Order it with the whipped cream, and it's freakin' heavenly.  At only a buck-ninety-nine for a 12 oz., yer fuckin' KILLER dawg!!!

Ten years ago, I would've scoffed at the idea of anything over 99 cents being good, but there ya go.  We change as we grow old, right?

Ten years ago, I also would've scoffed at anyone going into a Starbucks and declared them elitist scum.

...we change as we grow old, right?  At least I'm MY kind of elitist scum now, which is different than mass-produced elitist scummetry.

Now, we haven't had any of the food yet, but a Parmesan jack chicken wrap?  Go ahead and say it out loud, that even SOUNDS good!  I'm gonna hit these guys up sometime and THEN do a comprehensive review afterwards.  In the meantime, just accept my current love of their iced mocha and let's continue on, eh?

OHHHH SHIT DON'T DROP THE SOAP IT'S BRASS TACKS TIME!!!


Cafe Avellino
   
1329 Railroad Avenue

Bellingham, WA 98225

(360) 715-1005



Handy Shots

2438 East Bakerview Road

Bellingham, WA 98226

(360) 714-0181


Pros: For Handy Shots?  The fucking mocha, what do you think?  Add a shot of vanilla and yer freakin' ON!  For Cafe Avellino, the food.  That's...really 'bout it.

Cons: For Handy Shots, only con is I haven't eaten their food yet...and their times.  It's kinda odd, they'll close down early if they haven't had enough customers for the day, and while that's not a BAD thing in per se (in fact, some would say it's a sound financial move) it does make Handy Shots the kinda place you should call ahead or just swing by and check to see if they're open.  For Cafe Avellino, I'm gonna have to make a new paragraph...

Tiny tables, the decor is hipster garbage pure and simple, the atmosphere is the kind of better-than-thou-art ambiance that drives me into a frothing rage, and the coffee.  The main reason why ANYONE should go to a cafe just so happens to be their weakest point!  If I go to a Mexican restaurant and expect GOOD Mexican food and get served crap instead ( http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com/2011/06/3111-starting-off-blog-with-bang-and.html ), I ain't gonna wanna go back there, y'knowwhatImean?  Same thing with coffee!!  Why go to a coffeehouse if not to chillax and drink freakin' coffee?!!

VERDICT: Fuck this place and every single time I confuse it for Cruisin' Coffee, which is an entirely different establishment altogether.

Rageometer: 6 out of 10.  We go there so infrequently I sometimes forget that I hate the place...until we go there and the first sip reminds me why I fucking hate this place so much.

Partner-In-Crime's qoute: "I don't know why you hate this place so much, Bastard, especially since the caramel macchiato are so good..."

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  Every now and then the atmosphere IS kinda euch...but the bakery is choice!

For more reviews about both Cafe Avellino and Handy Shots, click on these links and sift through the employee-generated reviews and the actual customers:


Cafe Avellino
http://www.yelp.com/biz/avellino-bellingham (SURPRISINGLY CONSPICUOUS REVIEWS AHOY!)
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816081/restaurant/Avellino-Bellingham

Handy Shots
http://www.yelp.com/biz/handy-shots-llc-bellingham-2
http://maps.google.com/maps/place?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=Handy+Shots+bellingham+wa&fb=1&gl=us&hq=Handy+Shots&hnear=0x5485962ef2458717:0xd57a9ca9cd39e0f0,Bellingham,+WA&cid=10678220894979461154&ei=3xkITtfqCKXliALHsqClDg&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=placepage-link&resnum=4&ved=0CDIQ4gkwAw (SURPRISINGLY LONG URL AHOY!)

P.S. - Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I shouldn't be angry or upset over how she didn't know what size cup I wanted, and you know what?  I don't care.  Fuck that fucking place, I ain't goin' back and THIS time I won't forget!  I know I say that every time I DO forget, but hey now I gotta blog to remind me...

In b4 a new blog sometime in the future ONCE AGAIN reviewing this place and pointing out how I forgot how much I hate this place anyway.

Also, I know that NOT EVERY ESTABLISHMENT has employee-generated reviews.  I also don't care, it's a disgusting habit and one that should be pruned from the restaurant biz.

P.P.S. - For the record, I know anorexia and bulimia are illnesses.  I also know that you should eat another burger, fatty.  Seriously, to all pro-ana supporters and anorexic types to begin with...why are you reading my blog?!  It's a food column, go away and fellate your finger already, it misses your throat.

In b4 I get hounded by some pro-ana group who cannot slake my lust with their withered limbs and dry bodies, lacking the ability to make natural moisture.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Time to work...

SO, yeaaaah...I need to do work on the design of the Jerk.

Now, don't get me wrong: the content sure as hell ain't gonna change!  I'm just watching other bloggers for the first time and I realized, as I was favin' some of you and commentin' back and what-not...

Man, my blog freakin' sucks!

SO, graphic design change a-comin'~!  BUT, it ain't gonna be for another coupla days though.  Y'see, we got a busted outbound sewer line (or whatever the "grey water" line is for showers and sinks) here at the Bastardpad, and now we gotta get out of here because we're apparently growing toxic mushroom men in the basement crawlspace.

Let me rephrase this so all of my fellow horror fanatics out there can get what I'm sayin':


We are growing toxic mushroom men in our basement crawlspace.

THIS is why I keep my gun loaded with plus-p's.

For those of you who just joined up and commented, be welcomed and be prepared: I got more frothing-at-the-mouth hate/love-filled articles comin' atcha, BUT it's gonna take me a coupla days.

In the meantime, why dontcha check out my two new good friends (who have been roped into helping me move): Varolo J and "Sevententacles?"

We're gonna form the J-Club, since we all have names that start with J.  Fun stuff.

I'm still gonna tear VJ's flyers apart if he papers my beloved town with his filthy adverts.

ANYWAY:

http://www.varolo.com/village/DaiGurren (make some cash!)
http://sevententacles.deviantart.com (apparently he's the lead singer for some band out here, Anubis Unit)

Once I come back, I fry up a local coffeehouse for being overpriced, pretentious and basically appealing to ONLY hipster scum.

That and they couldn't make a mocha even to save their own lives.

Much love,

That Bastard From Bellingham

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Updatin' and some stuff

So yeah, here it is!  The Bellingham Jerk, presented and written by me, That Bastard From Bellingham!

Some of you know me and know what I'm about, while others of you are scratching your head and probably saying "Why goeth such vulgarities?  This base canard does not know his business!"

And I say to you, "BAH, you don't know nothin', mang!  C'mon down to Railroad and let's here ya say that, ya fuck you!  People don't even talk like that anymore, you don't real!"

SO, what was with those first two posts?  Before I decided to embark on this newfangled blog thing (which everyone seems to have, writing on their cute little laptops in their cute little coffeeshops where I like to go and drink my overpriced coffee and write on my cute little laptop okay now I'm depressed, hnnng), I wanted to see what it would be like to write on said blog.  What would be my goal, y'know?  What am I trying to express here?

Bah, I'm a punk AND a barbaric American...so I did what came naturally.

I wrote about something I hated, something I loved, and cursed a metric ton throughout it all.  Then I posted both of 'em here to get "caught up," including finishing up this third one I'm writing about a particular little coffee place that just grinds my gears.

In b4 SHALLOW AND PEDANTIC.

I'm eventually going to write more blogs, and a FAQ and some-such.  BUT, I gotta go pick up my Partner-In-Crime from her work, and SOMEONE'S gotta cook dinner!

So anyway, why THIS post?

Well, to say thank you for your time for starters.  To convey my appreciation of you actually taking the time to read through my ramblings, mumblings, and curses.  Perhaps you're entertained?

Cool with me, man.

OH, also, I'm currently trying different things and one of them is a "Partnership" with an equally foul-mouthed little cretin who calls himself "Varolo J."  Somethin' about advertisements and some-such, sounds like a click-ad thing to me.  Anyway, I'm gonna try AdSense myself, but if you like what you see here you can join in on it too...

http://www.varolo.com/village/DaiGurren

Dude is talkin' about paperin' Bellingham with flyers for this.  Me personally, I'm gonna vandalize 'em the moment I see them!

Love,

That Bastard From Bellingham

April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

Welcome to my blog, The Bellingham Jerk.  As a six-year Bellinghamster of some ill repute, I've often wondered how I can best present all that is awesome about Bellingham, the experiences and friendships I've made out here.

Unlike other blogs and newslets, I'm gonna focus on just a wide range of stuff, mostly based on what pisses me off the most.

Some of you don't care about this quiet, shady, delectable slice of heaven up here in the Northwest, this city of subdued excitement and tranquil awesomeness, this lustrously boisterous battlegrounds of artists, buskers, established musicians and more.

On the other hand, some of you were lookin' for somethin' to do on a Friday night in a small town with big time appetites.

Well, here you are.  Take off yer shoes, lemme rub yer feet.

Sit back and relax as I type in all caps lock, simulating the effect of yelling directly into your eardrums.

---------


April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

So yeah, I know I was writing this thing in the hopes of showing my love of Bellingham by complaining loudly, and in all caps, of what I hate about it the most when it comes to dining and such.

So for the second blog, I'm a-gonna fuck with all that and simply throw some serious love out there.

So, it's time for me to celebrate my PIC's birthday, right?  So where the hell am I gonna take her?

To fuckin' Dirty Dan's, that's where!!!

When she first came to Bellingham, WA, I KNEW I had to seriously impress her with my culinary skills.  I mean, what is a guy with a palate as refined as mine (i.e. - I LIEK THINGS THAT TASTE GOOD HURR) gonna do to win over HER equally refined palate?  I mean, it's not AS good as mine, but meh...we're cool.

So, should I take her to the usual haunts?  A fast food joint?  Someplace nice?

Screw all that, I took her to the place that has officially spoiled us as far as prime rib is concerned.  Dirty Dan's is a wonderful little restaurant in Fairhaven and while I highly suggest keeping around 150 bucks in yer wallet (a Dirty Dan cut of their prime rib will set you back around 40 bucks alone), the quality of the food and the wonderful surroundings are more than worth it.

Seriously, I consider myself a frugal chap.  Hell, I'm downright miserly when it comes to money, <cliche>especially with the economy the way it is nowadays</cliche>, and yet I DO believe in quality to quantity and whether or not it's worth the price.

Hell, in my nefarious opinion, Dirty Dan's could stand to RAISE the prices and still be able to sell properly to the public!

(Note: Dirty Dan's, please do not raise the prices.  I love you guys, and raising the prices will make it feel as if I did something wrong.  Love, That Bastard)

So, where do I even begin?  A little background history?  The story of how it got started, eh?  Perhaps how they've contributed to the local flavor of Bellingham and Fairhaven?  Perhaps tell you about the illustrious Dirty Dan himself?

Fuck that, let's go straight to the heart of my absolute and intimate love of this place.

The food.

SO, my Partner In Crime was heavily influenced from the last time we came to this place awhile back.  With that stated, we both ordered the prime rib (which has to be the most divine cut of meat ever made - perfectly marbled, usually nicely rubbed or whatever spice they use, a cooking process which ensures perfection), which SHOULD have been the ultimate reason why I'm writing today's blog.  No, seriously, it was good...

But...

But, but, but, humans are divine so to err is forgiveness.

...you fucking heard me.

No, seriously, wait, don't walk away keep reading!  Now, THIS time it wasn't AS heavenly-perfect as last time...for some reason, the outer edge was a bit salty.  Neither we nor the waiter knew why, BUT this should NOT serve as a detraction, or even a negative point in my book, from the ultimate perfection of the REST of the meat.  THAT was fucking perfect.

Fucking.  Perfect.

Now, what I was talking about wasn't that the meat WASN'T good, it's just that this visit the ultimate perfection point lay in what we ordered alongside the delicious meats.

On the side, we also ordered macaroni and cheese with lobster.

Now, I've only ever had something mac and cheese based that was fucking awesome once, and that was the Mac and Cheese with Bacon over at the Bowl n' Roll.

This?  This far and away blew it up with such destructiveness that I couldn't handle it.

Like, seriously, I couldn't freakin' handle it!

So rich, so delicious, so good...the Lobster Mac and Cheese wasn't divine.  This wasn't extraordinary.

This was Extraordivine.

This was a flavor so incredibly amazing, so freakin' complex and rich and good, I can't even describe it properly within the context of the written English language.

The lobster, the parmesean-y/garlic-y crust, the sheer goodness of the decadent cream...

I couldn't finish it.  I simply had to take some home and finish the rest later on that night it was so freakin' good.

I...

Okay, okay, hear me out, my fellow readers.  I know I was going to build this blog for nothing but ALL MY HATE, but I have to admit...some times, you're gonna get the rare gem of pure love from me at this blog.

And this is it.  Right here.

I have nothing but love for Dirty Dan's Restaurant, and you are actually doing yourself such an obscenely extreme disservice by NOT trying them out even once that it should be tantamount to the sin of suicide.

Like, palate-based suicide or something.

Also, they make one of the BEST by-request Arnold Palmer I've EVER fuckin' had!!!!!

Enough knob-polishing, it's Brass Tacks Time~!

Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant
1211 11th Street
Bellingham, WA 98225
(360) 676-1087

Pros: A satisfyingly mature environment, the waitstaff are awesome, just...everything.  Fucking everything.  Even the fluff (wild rice, garlic potatoes, etc.) that comes with the meals are freakin' awesome.  I think of starving Ethiopians every time I go there and realize this is why I was reincarnated as an American.

Cons: In this day and age, spending 40 dollars on a single plate should be viewed with scorn and derision.  The only bad thing you'll ever feel bad ABOUT when it comes to Dirty Dan's is the feeling that you just spent 150 bucks there while there are people starving in the streets.  You sick, mean, full and digesting motherfucker you.

VERDICT: May is my birthday month.  I am coming back to this place.  I am.  I MUST!!!!

Rageometer: None.  -1 out of 10.  Hell, might as well make it -10 out of 10.  I have nothing but love for this place, and did I mention that they give you a free cheesecake slice on your birthday?  With a candle and the drizzled caramel that can be requested in cute little letterings or whatever...god, did I mention that the caramel TASTES homemade?  Fucking awesome.

Partner-In-Crime's quote: "Delightfully decadent, and if it ever closes down I will raze this town!!!!"

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  Only because she couldn't finish the whole thing while we were there.  Now THAT'S sayin' somethin'!!!

For more reviews about Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant (all negative reviews are made by trolls, TROLLS I say!!!), check 'em here:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/dirty-dan-harris-restaurant-bellingham
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g58350-d464066-r10190458-Dirty_Dan_Harris-Bellingham_Washington.html (TROLLS, TROLLS I SAY!!!)
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816152/restaurant/Dirty-Dan-Harris-Bellingham

P.S. - did you know you can, for a price, ADD ONTO your main meal?  Like, a side rack of ribs or another pricey steak or lobster or tiger freakin' prawns?  Not, like, normal prawns but these huge monstrosities made with nuclear devices from the 1950's and tons of delicious?  And that cheesecake, omfg it was so good.  Let's not even TALK about the lobster.  Y'know, I mixed the wild rice leftovers with the horseradish and some eggs, cheese and bacon the next day.  Awesomest day-after breakfast evar, and I don't even freakin' DO leftovers, mang!

3/1/11 - Starting Off The Blog With A Bang (And A Whimper)


Welcome to my blog, The Bellingham Jerk.  As a six-year Bellinghamster of some ill repute, I've often wondered how I can best present all that is awesome about Bellingham, the experiences and friendships I've made out here.

Unlike other blogs and newslets, I'm gonna focus on just a wide range of stuff, mostly based on what pisses me off the most.

Some of you don't care about this quiet, shady, delectable slice of heaven up here in the Northwest, this city of subdued excitement and tranquil awesomeness, this lustrously boisterous battlegrounds of artists, buskers, established musicians and more.

On the other hand, some of you were lookin' for somethin' to do on a Friday night in a small town with big time appetites.

Well, here you are.  Take off yer shoes, lemme rub yer feet.

Sit back and relax as I type in all caps lock, simulating the effect of yelling directly into your eardrums.

---------

3/1/11 - Starting Off The Blog With A Bang (And A Whimper)

Y'know some blogs start off with a positive message YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO TADEOS!!!

NEVER FUCKING EVER!!!!!

No, seriously: Cilantro is not a specifically cultural thing for Mexico.  You do not see cilantro on their flag.  Their national anthem was not written with cilantro as the subject matter.  Cilantro, if used properly, can indeed make an already delicious Mexican dish all the more flavorful.

IT SHOULD NOT BE THE BE-ALL END-ALL OF A MAIN DISH!!!!!

For those who don't know and may never know, the Bowl n' Roll was an off-again on-again restaurant of sheer awesomeness.  Fronted by mounds of delicious beef brisket sandwiches, they were best known for interesting combinations and delectably large portions.  The price wasn't too bad either!  On the other hand, the owner didn't advertise as much as they should have and, sadly, the Bowl n' Roll either died or moved elsewhere (and if so, I'd really like to find out where!).

No, seriously, the Beef Brisket sandwich is easily award-winning, universally pleasing, and worthy of as many freakin' trophies as a restaurant should get!

So the Bowl n' Roll, sadly, shut down.  What do we get instead?

Could it be award winning, universally pleasing nevermind I won't continue that sentence and cut to the chase: what we got was Tadeo's, a Mexican restaurant that seeks to please as well as Mexico del Sol (so I've heard - gotta check that out sometime) or Taco Del Mar.

What we expected, upon sampling their wares, was something at LEAST in between Taco Del Mar and Taco Bell.

What we got was a bad roller coaster ride of bleh that went back to a dumpster dive in California and came back attempting to present itself as something Bellingham-minded.

Care to quote me?  Please do.

Now, by all means, the first bite of my chorizo y huevos burrito (supposedly con queso, though notably missing) was actually quite good.  Nowhere near as good as it SHOULD be, and with rather little huevos to be found...but there you have it.  First bite did not fail inexactly, but it didn't surprise me either.  In the end, the idea to continue eating the so-called "meal" would prove to be my undoing though.

It was that goddamned cilantro.

No, seriously, it was that goddamned cilantro that REALLY cheesed me off!  That and the lack of cheese.  The rice was good, but my god...the cilantro!!!!!!

IT WAS EVERYWHERE!

Now, let's get off of the omnipresent issue of using so much cilantro that the rest of the meal is obliterated.  No eggs to be found, certainly no flavor of them.  Chorizo is meh, but not THAT bad and certainly could've carried the burrito on it's own if not for the added cheese that I had ordered (CILANTROOOO!!!!).  The rest of the burrito fillings were somewhat good, only it was truly hard to give a verdict due to the...well, I DID say I'd get off of that train, so nevermind.  Suffice it to say, they were good but forgettable bits of blah.

Now, my biggest issue: as I ate my way through the burrito, I found less and less chorizo (I'm fairly certain they DID remember that I requested chorizo WITH eggs burrito, and with cheese.  I even pointed at it on the menu, y'know?) and more and more cilantro and chorizo grease.  It was like they had purposefully halved the essence of the burrito in order to somehow save that sweet, sweet chorizo meat for themselves or somethin'!

No, seriously, do they somehow save money by chintzing on the chorizo?  Towards the bottom third of the burrito I had nothing but grease, lettuce, and freakin' cilantro.

Now, my partner-in-crime had ordered a tamale combo of some sort.  The refried beans were from-a-can forgettable, with their cliched cheese topping.  I don't even know what else was on the plate: the tamale itself, upon a taste, was good...but the masa used for it was incredibly bleh, and the fact that even though she SAID "no spicy" and it still came slathered in spicy schlep sauce had us both going, "Wait, the waitress DOES understand English, right?"

Neither she, nor I, touched her pineapple tamale after the first bite.  Hell, the thing could be used for a weapon it was so heavy...and no filling at all.  None.  No taste either, save for the chalky chocolate syrup (or whatever the hell it was SUPPOSED to be!) they drizzled on top of it.

We paid extra for the goddamned pineapple tamale!!!!!

As a further cynical, snarky note: pretentious hipster scum everywhere.  I didn't even know Bellingham HAD a hipster scene, let alone that they congregated here in an effort to seem cultural or some-other cock-and-bull.  Admittedly, the place IS pretty obscure I WILL NOT FINISH THIS STATEMENT GODOMMOT FRONK!

So yeah.  Tadeo's.  Don't go there.  If you must, go with this warning: it sucks, the prices are too goddamned high, and the time it took to cook and prepare the food did NOT equal out properly.

Now, I can already here some of you:

"Oh, Bastard, how can you be like that?  Certainly it might have been an off day?"
Or, "Oh, Bastard!  How can you have such high standards for a simple restaurant?"
Or, "Oh, Bastard!  For all you know, they knew who you were and simply made you a bad meal to scare you off?"

Pffft, fuck THAT shit.  If I worked the way they made and prepared food, I'd NEVER have a job.  The moment we start making excuses or lowering the bar when it comes to everyone else outside of ourselves is the day we, as humans, have failed.  If upper management expects me to work hard, efficiently, and effectively with a 98% quality control, then fuck you: I'm gonna make YOU do it too, you bastard.

So, brass tacks...

Tadeo's
(364) 718-6206
(360) 647-1862
(which number is it, WHICH NUMBER IS IT?!!!!)
207 E Holly St
Bellingham, WA 98225

Pros: The hot cocoa was good.  I can't say that enough.  The decor wasn't too cheesy, and the chips were downright tasty.
Cons: The high fuckin' price, the food, the imported staff, the ambiance, the...well, if I have to go into THAT many cons for a freakin' restaurant, that oughta say somethin' 'bout the place.

VERDICT: Fuck this fucking place, we're never goin' back there again!!!!

Rageometer: 10 outta 10.  And it only goes UP to 10.

Partner-In-Crime's quote: "It's pretty bad when we gotta go to ANOTHER place just to get the awful taste of the FIRST place outta our mouths!" - upon us going to a coffee establishment simply to get the fucking taste of horrible outta our mouths.

PIC Rageometer: 9 outta 10, only because of the hot chocolate.


For more reviews on Tadeos, I guess you could get a second opinion or some junk here:

http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/1575579/restaurant/Tadeos-Bellingham

P.S. - if you happen to know Spanish, you'll probably get better service there.  If you don't, well then...good luck!