Wednesday, June 15, 2011

April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

Welcome to my blog, The Bellingham Jerk.  As a six-year Bellinghamster of some ill repute, I've often wondered how I can best present all that is awesome about Bellingham, the experiences and friendships I've made out here.

Unlike other blogs and newslets, I'm gonna focus on just a wide range of stuff, mostly based on what pisses me off the most.

Some of you don't care about this quiet, shady, delectable slice of heaven up here in the Northwest, this city of subdued excitement and tranquil awesomeness, this lustrously boisterous battlegrounds of artists, buskers, established musicians and more.

On the other hand, some of you were lookin' for somethin' to do on a Friday night in a small town with big time appetites.

Well, here you are.  Take off yer shoes, lemme rub yer feet.

Sit back and relax as I type in all caps lock, simulating the effect of yelling directly into your eardrums.


April 17th - Too Much To Love For Me To Hate

So yeah, I know I was writing this thing in the hopes of showing my love of Bellingham by complaining loudly, and in all caps, of what I hate about it the most when it comes to dining and such.

So for the second blog, I'm a-gonna fuck with all that and simply throw some serious love out there.

So, it's time for me to celebrate my PIC's birthday, right?  So where the hell am I gonna take her?

To fuckin' Dirty Dan's, that's where!!!

When she first came to Bellingham, WA, I KNEW I had to seriously impress her with my culinary skills.  I mean, what is a guy with a palate as refined as mine (i.e. - I LIEK THINGS THAT TASTE GOOD HURR) gonna do to win over HER equally refined palate?  I mean, it's not AS good as mine, but meh...we're cool.

So, should I take her to the usual haunts?  A fast food joint?  Someplace nice?

Screw all that, I took her to the place that has officially spoiled us as far as prime rib is concerned.  Dirty Dan's is a wonderful little restaurant in Fairhaven and while I highly suggest keeping around 150 bucks in yer wallet (a Dirty Dan cut of their prime rib will set you back around 40 bucks alone), the quality of the food and the wonderful surroundings are more than worth it.

Seriously, I consider myself a frugal chap.  Hell, I'm downright miserly when it comes to money, <cliche>especially with the economy the way it is nowadays</cliche>, and yet I DO believe in quality to quantity and whether or not it's worth the price.

Hell, in my nefarious opinion, Dirty Dan's could stand to RAISE the prices and still be able to sell properly to the public!

(Note: Dirty Dan's, please do not raise the prices.  I love you guys, and raising the prices will make it feel as if I did something wrong.  Love, That Bastard)

So, where do I even begin?  A little background history?  The story of how it got started, eh?  Perhaps how they've contributed to the local flavor of Bellingham and Fairhaven?  Perhaps tell you about the illustrious Dirty Dan himself?

Fuck that, let's go straight to the heart of my absolute and intimate love of this place.

The food.

SO, my Partner In Crime was heavily influenced from the last time we came to this place awhile back.  With that stated, we both ordered the prime rib (which has to be the most divine cut of meat ever made - perfectly marbled, usually nicely rubbed or whatever spice they use, a cooking process which ensures perfection), which SHOULD have been the ultimate reason why I'm writing today's blog.  No, seriously, it was good...


But, but, but, humans are divine so to err is forgiveness. fucking heard me.

No, seriously, wait, don't walk away keep reading!  Now, THIS time it wasn't AS heavenly-perfect as last time...for some reason, the outer edge was a bit salty.  Neither we nor the waiter knew why, BUT this should NOT serve as a detraction, or even a negative point in my book, from the ultimate perfection of the REST of the meat.  THAT was fucking perfect.

Fucking.  Perfect.

Now, what I was talking about wasn't that the meat WASN'T good, it's just that this visit the ultimate perfection point lay in what we ordered alongside the delicious meats.

On the side, we also ordered macaroni and cheese with lobster.

Now, I've only ever had something mac and cheese based that was fucking awesome once, and that was the Mac and Cheese with Bacon over at the Bowl n' Roll.

This?  This far and away blew it up with such destructiveness that I couldn't handle it.

Like, seriously, I couldn't freakin' handle it!

So rich, so delicious, so good...the Lobster Mac and Cheese wasn't divine.  This wasn't extraordinary.

This was Extraordivine.

This was a flavor so incredibly amazing, so freakin' complex and rich and good, I can't even describe it properly within the context of the written English language.

The lobster, the parmesean-y/garlic-y crust, the sheer goodness of the decadent cream...

I couldn't finish it.  I simply had to take some home and finish the rest later on that night it was so freakin' good.


Okay, okay, hear me out, my fellow readers.  I know I was going to build this blog for nothing but ALL MY HATE, but I have to admit...some times, you're gonna get the rare gem of pure love from me at this blog.

And this is it.  Right here.

I have nothing but love for Dirty Dan's Restaurant, and you are actually doing yourself such an obscenely extreme disservice by NOT trying them out even once that it should be tantamount to the sin of suicide.

Like, palate-based suicide or something.

Also, they make one of the BEST by-request Arnold Palmer I've EVER fuckin' had!!!!!

Enough knob-polishing, it's Brass Tacks Time~!

Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant
1211 11th Street
Bellingham, WA 98225
(360) 676-1087

Pros: A satisfyingly mature environment, the waitstaff are awesome, just...everything.  Fucking everything.  Even the fluff (wild rice, garlic potatoes, etc.) that comes with the meals are freakin' awesome.  I think of starving Ethiopians every time I go there and realize this is why I was reincarnated as an American.

Cons: In this day and age, spending 40 dollars on a single plate should be viewed with scorn and derision.  The only bad thing you'll ever feel bad ABOUT when it comes to Dirty Dan's is the feeling that you just spent 150 bucks there while there are people starving in the streets.  You sick, mean, full and digesting motherfucker you.

VERDICT: May is my birthday month.  I am coming back to this place.  I am.  I MUST!!!!

Rageometer: None.  -1 out of 10.  Hell, might as well make it -10 out of 10.  I have nothing but love for this place, and did I mention that they give you a free cheesecake slice on your birthday?  With a candle and the drizzled caramel that can be requested in cute little letterings or whatever...god, did I mention that the caramel TASTES homemade?  Fucking awesome.

Partner-In-Crime's quote: "Delightfully decadent, and if it ever closes down I will raze this town!!!!"

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  Only because she couldn't finish the whole thing while we were there.  Now THAT'S sayin' somethin'!!!

For more reviews about Dirty Dan Harris' Restaurant (all negative reviews are made by trolls, TROLLS I say!!!), check 'em here: (TROLLS, TROLLS I SAY!!!)

P.S. - did you know you can, for a price, ADD ONTO your main meal?  Like, a side rack of ribs or another pricey steak or lobster or tiger freakin' prawns?  Not, like, normal prawns but these huge monstrosities made with nuclear devices from the 1950's and tons of delicious?  And that cheesecake, omfg it was so good.  Let's not even TALK about the lobster.  Y'know, I mixed the wild rice leftovers with the horseradish and some eggs, cheese and bacon the next day.  Awesomest day-after breakfast evar, and I don't even freakin' DO leftovers, mang!

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