Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The PIC’s Vacation Log #1 - Alone, Afraid and Wandering the USA.


Ok, so I’m exaggerating. But it’s catchy, yeah?


 So… so, so, so, sososo, so so, so… ooops, sorry.  Just thinking aloud with the abandon of a woman on vacation.   Vacation away from That Bastard.  But before I go on and on about how this Partner-In-Crime misses her man I’m gonna bust into his blog and mess with it a bit.  You see while out and about with some family members of mine, traipsing about the US, I had some major culinary adventures.  Some good and some really, really bad. So I wish to express to you my stories in the vain hope that some of you will not have the misfortune of making our mistakes.
The first adventure: Linda’s I-10 Diner


So.  One of my family members is a picky eater.  But of course she’s 92 years old, so she has every right to be.  She decides all she wants for dinner is apple pie a-la mode.  We are in Texas, the most American State in America, Right?  How hard can it be to find that?  So it begins.
We started our apple-flavored quest in Clint.  Small town, farm town, really small.  Looking for the classic American diner, the ones that used to be all around the U.S. (especially off of route 66).

Nada.

Zip.

Zulu. 

Only places still open HERE were menudo and taco shops. Oh, there might have been a pizza place but nothing that really stood out in my mind and certainly lacking of the pie a la mode we so desperately sought.  So we continue down the old highway and end up in Fabens, another sleepy little town.  Again, there’s nothing!  So we decide to head back up to the I-10 and at the last minute I catch sight of a sign that said "Diner."  A little off roading later, we're in the parking lot. We get inside and gratefully take our seats near the door.  THEN we find out that even they do not have apple pie at this so-called dining establishment!  They have cake and pudding but try as we might, no apple pie to be found.  Yet another dead end!  As tired as we were we decided to just eat there and find the pie afterwards so I decided to peruse the menu.  So read the menu and GASP, another shocker: American and Mexican food.  But I decide to play it safe with a BLT (certainly they can't screw THAT up!), and MY PIC orders a chicken salad.  I should probably note that after ordering we noticed that everyone one else in the restaurant was eating from the soup and salad bar.  We would find out why quite soon...


At this point the cook, who we could clearly see from where we sat, starts to wander around the kitchen, apparently looking for something.  He starts to argue with the waitress in Spanish, pointing at our ticket and searching.  She then heads into the kitchen and starts to help him search.  Ten minutes later another waitress comes into the restaurant and after putting her stuff down she helps them find what turns out to be the bacon for my BLT. 

I'll say that again: they couldn't find the bacon for my bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwich and it took them MORE than ten minutes to do so.

ANOTHER ten minutes later we are served.  Now my BLT is plain, regular, ordinary, but at least edible.  However my PIC’s salad is an absolute laughingstock!  Remember how I mentioned that salad bar?  They seemed to have forgotten that they had it.  He was served a plate of shredded lettuce (the kind they put on tacos), sliced tomatoes (the kind they put on hamburgers), and sliced dill pickles (again the kind they put on hamburgers).  The grilled chicken was just plain!  They didn’t ask what kind of dressing he wanted at any time and when he finally (after trying for 5 minutes to eat this monstrosity without complaining, a feat to try any saint) asked for some ranch she went searching in the back for some time before finally grabbing a bowl and getting him some from the salad bar.

We didn’t stay for dessert.

Later that evening we returned to the hotel with two McDonalds apple pies and an ice cream cone.  OH LOOK THAT'S AMERICAN RIGHT oh wait...

Well, I've had my say but now, as That Bastard says, it's Brass Tacks Time!

Linda's I-10 Diner
1881 N Fabens St
Fabens, TX 79838
(915) 764-2281
Pros: Right off the I-10, easy too find.



Cons: Oh, my, EVERYTHING!


VERDICT: I fear for the future of America's dining experience.
My Rageometer - 5/10 mostly was just afraid I might get food poisoning.

PIC’s Rageometer - unsure, but the vein in his forehead nearly burst.  Have you ever seen a grown man's vein come close to bursting?  I have with That Bastard, and on my very first outing now I can honestly say I've seen my Partner-In-Crime do it too!  I'm just going to say something close to 8/10...yeah, that looks good, considering he refused to talk about the experiance.


For more reviews about Linda's I-10 Diner, try some of these links:
Oh...wait!?  I can't even FIND a review for this place!!!  Well, I guess this'll be the first....


(That Bastard's very rare note: I myself can't freakin' find one either!  What the hell, is this place just THAT small of a town or somethin'?  Anyway, glad >I< wasn't there, HAH!!!!)
P.S. - Huh...first I hang out with That Bastard, who's one of the angriest and loudest men I've ever known, certainly fallen in love with!  But now I'm on this vacation with my Partner-In-Crime and...he's also a loud and pro-American guy(he has pretty good emotional control tho).  Huh...I'm seeing a pattern here...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

ALLA MAH NETWERKZ!!!

You ready for madness and mayhem, great music and better movies?  How about a restaurant review full of CURSE WORDS?!

Then yer in the right place, mes amies!

I'll also be adding these on a side or bottom text panel, so...let's see if this works~!
———————————————————————————————————-
Man-Flavored Milk! (I don’t know what I’m doin’ with this…mostly video reposts followed by nonsensical ALL CAPS writing.  I'm goin' somewhere with this one, honestly~!)
http://blaragah.blogspot.com

Soothe Your Freaking Beast (Awesome musics you may not have known existed)
http://soothyourfreakingbeast.blogspot.com

Netflix This! (‘cuz I’m tired of seeing the question, “What should I netflix?”)
http://netflixthis.blogspot.com

The Bellingham Jerk (the one, the only, the blog that started my bloggan adventures - funny reviews of eateries, diners, and restaurants around Bellingham and Whatcom County)
http://thatbastardfrombellingham.blogspot.com

That Bastard On... (my personal blog)
http://thatbastardon.blogspot.com

Mah Tumblr (originally gonna be The Overblog, but it might become where I dump my writings) - thatbastardfrombellingham
Mah Twitter - @ThatBastardFB
Mah Facebook - /ThatBastardFB 

I'm also thinkin' 'bout makin' a blog for thoughts, regurgitation, and opinions with an extra shot of whining.  I dunno...also, how many of you are actual readers?  I'm a punk writer and am hucking around a couple of literary ideas to turn into blogs...namely a pick-your-path-to-adventure style one that is controlled by y'all via voting, and another one that is just straight chapter-by-chapter drop onto its' own blog.

I dunno, what do y'all think?  Anyway HIT A NYUKKA UP~!

Sincerely,

~That Bastard From Bellingham

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

SOUND OFF, EPICUREAN WARRIORS AND PURVEYORS OF CURSE WORDS!!

Soooo...sososososo.

Here we are!  Well, at least here >I< am...

Anyway, I reckon I'm postin' since I'm sincerely curious: how many of you are actually, y'know, FOLLOWING me?

I gotta admit, I'm new to the whole bloggin' thing, and it seems like I have a few followers (especially in comparison to SOME) and I'm regularly updating spread out over four blogs (a fifth comin'~!), but...butbutbut, it's hard to tell how many of you are actively actually readin' m'stuff, y'know?

I mean, are you just readin' my stuff and not commenting?  Do you realize I have a tumblr, a twitter, a facebook, and four blogs?

I dunno, maybe I'm expecting too much too soon or whatever have you...but it's kinda hard not to when I read other blogs, comment on a daily basis and note higher numbers of commentary and followers on said blogs.

Perhaps it's a simple case of "They're girls on the Internet, man!  GIRLS!" or whatever have you?  I dunno...it's late night and I might delete this post - ignore that, I own up to everything I post, otherwise I'd compromise my own good word and sense of honor.

So, let's see some commentary on at least THIS post.

HELLO...IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THEEEEERE?

Sincerely,

That Bastard From Bellingham

P.S. - I know Netflix This! is an incredibly niche blog, but there's GOTTA be some of y'all out there with netflix accounts and such...I dunno, maybe I'm marketing wrong?  Hit a brotha up.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

7/9/11 - A Date With Donuts

Why the hell am I giving you guys so many LURVE posts, huh?  Well, you get another one about a place I freakin' love: sappy, gooey, freaking delicious.

I'm talking about one of the few be-all end-all donut joints I've ever been to: Lafeens.

Now, everyone in every town has their donut place to go to, and if you don't then ya need to.  No, seriously dawg: there isn't ANYTHING better then just chillin' out, drinkin' some coffee and downin' a donut or two.

Of course ya gotta DO YER VOORKEENG OUHUTT, but seriously there ain't nothin' wrong with hangin' out with yer peoples and just enjoying a well-done donut.

With THAT stated, I won't talk about any other donut location that hasn't already been covered to death by both The Travel Channel or The Food Network and, instead, will tell you about Lafeens.

It's awesome.

BLOG DONE no seriously, there are multiple reasons to go to Lafeens, but chief amongst them is horrible coffee and awesome donuts.

They're not afraid to experiment either, so long as you're payin' for it.  There's this donut they got called the Bigfoot which is a humongous, head-sized, foot-shaped donut of light fluffy delicious and, for a truly small price (it was something like fifty-to-seventy-five cents or whatever have ya) they'll pump 'em full of delicious jelly of whatever type you want.  Mine, personally, I had raspberry-filled but I'm still drooling at the idea of a lemon-filled Bigfoot.

Now they have the usual assortment of dangerous tidbits (ESPECIALLY the crullers.  No, ESPECIALLY the cake old-fashioned.  No, ESPECIALLY the croissants.  Aw, hell...), but chiefest amongst them are also a smattering of brownies, donut holes...y'know, really the only thing that sets them apart from any other donut joint is the severely awesome taste of their donuts.  It's hard to explain, and one that while I'm endeavoring to do so...I still find it difficult to explain to you, my dear audience, exactly what sets them apart so.

So let's put it at this: they have what can only be called truly excellent donuts, made with love (or at least a lack of apathy) and given to you as fresh as possible.  Since they're normally flyin' off the shelves, you can damn near always expect a fresh, warm donut of pure awesome, either customized or not.

Now, I mentioned horrible coffee before...and yes, they truly have horrible coffee.  BUT, it's not a bad thing!  No, it's the pairing of awesome donut and terrible coffee that somehow improves the overall experience.  So much so that, once, the guy who worked there actually made me a GOOD pot of coffee...and I, offended, berated him lightly about it.

His response?  "Sorry, bro, you'll just have to come back on someone else's shift.  I mean, you want me to PURPOSEFULLY make it bad?  Sorry dude."

I won't fault the guy and I have, since then, apologized for gettin' on him for making good coffee.  After I explained myself, he understood and, furthermore, agreed.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "Oh, Bastard, that's just so...fuckin' WEIRD!" or "Man, that's just stupid.  You're stupid, you stupidhead."

Well, no it's not stupid.  Should you ever try it, YOU'D demand it each time too!

Now, the best part: in a part of the country where the entire fucking state seems to go to bed at 8 p.m., Lafeens is normally up until midnight if not later.  This may not seem like much to YOU, you city-slicker you, but let me assure you that in a sleepy little town like Bellingham (which is, sadly, getting bigger day by day) this is an awesome late-night treasure trove of culinary delights.

Now, I gotta point something out to you: ever since watching the movie Friday After Next, I've been deathly afraid of fly-infested donut shops.  Like, just the idea is enough to get my gorge rising.  This place though?  They quickly obliterate that floor with constantly clean floors, tables, and the walls not dirty at all but rather busy and crowded with local flyers.

Did I happen to mention the wonderful array of ice creams?  This is the second-best place in Bellingham to find awesome ice cream (the first being Mallards - I'll write about them some other time~!), mainly due to the nightmare concoction they call C.A.F.M.B. - Caramel Fudge Marble Brickle.  I don't even remember what the A stands for, except freakin' awesome~!!!  Not only that, but in a sector of the nation that prides itself on its' coffeehouses, Lafeens also puts out a decent espresso for the price, and they're willing to make it iced~!  Also, there SEEMS to be this humongous following concerning their blueberry donuts, a treat that I have yet to enjoy...but trust me, it's somethin' to check out m'self~!

Gah, what else CAN I say about this place?  It's worth the trip?  It's an amazing place to simply chill out and enjoy some good stuff?  Perhaps that it's right across from the gloriously beautiful Whatcom Falls park, which is also a good place to enjoy the deliciousness?

Gah, y'know what?  Enough wankery, it's Brass Tacks time~!

Lafeens Donut Shop
1466 Electric Ave
Bellingham, WA 98229
(360) 647-1703

Pros: Everything.  EVERYTHING.  EVERYTHIIIIIIIING!!!

Cons: Well, they're a donut shop.  You shouldn't be using their bathrooms to begin with, which are underspectacular and nothing special...but they're at least clean.  I wish the place was open longer, and if THAT'S all I got to complain about then they must be doing SOMETHING good!

VERDICT: Eat there.  Go there, eat there, spend money there.  You won't be spendin' too much either~!  Hell, even the PRICE is right about this place...

Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  No haet, only lurve for this establishment!

Partner-In-Crime's qoute: "You have GOT to try the creamcheese and raspberry turnovers!  Simply DIVINE!"

PIC Rageometer: 1 out of 10.  She hates it less then I do~!

For more reviews about Lafeens, check 'em here:

http://www.yelp.com/biz/lafeens-donuts-and-ice-cream-bellingham
http://whatcom.kulshan.com/Washington/Whatcom%20County/Western%20Whatcom%20County/Bellingham/Lakeway-Electric/Restaurants/Lafeens.htm
http://realestate.bellingham.net/day-64-365-things-to-do-in-bellingham-wa-%E2%80%93-lafeens-donut-shop/
http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/88/816233/restaurant/Lafeens-Donuts-Ice-Cream-Bellingham


P.S. - Y'know, there are other donut shops that get a lot of t.v. love.  Top Pot in Seattle, Beth's Donuts (I think that's what it's called) where they use potato flour or whatever, not to mention Voodoo Donuts in Oregon...but y'know what?  I'm GLAD Lafeens is a greatly-kept secret, so to speak.  The last thing we need is it to become mainstream.  While I never see hipster garbage there, one never knows, y'know?  As is it's a great place to mingle elbow-to-elbow with soccer moms, crackheads, muggles, rockers and hip-hoppers, punks and hooligans, athletes, students aplenty...well, you get the idea.  Let's hope it stays that way~!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Tiem to move once more~!

Annnnnnnd it's time to move.  At least this time I can warn ya: it'll probably be for a month or two, then I get to move AGAIN!

Dude, my triceps are gonna be SO fucking shredded after all this movin'!  Just think of it as training, that's how I'm gonna do it.

Love,

That Bastard From Bellingham