Saturday, December 15, 2012

12/15/12 - I Came Home

For once, I am reviewing a place the DAY I ate there.

Fuck everything, the whole world can fucking explode on 12/21/12 now and I shall die a complete man.

You see, I have eaten at Home Skillet...and it is fucking GOOD!

Now, the story goes as this: some of you know how I rock the Hooligans vidyuh game podcast review with Ace Nelson hisgoddamnself, right? (

Well, he told me 'bout this place he went to with two other mutual friends.  Now, this surprised me: I thought I knew of ALL the hole-in-a-wall diners and eateries here in Bellingham, when lo and behold a new mecca of culinary surprises hath opened up!

Home Skillet!

Located at Kentucky Street and...well,, y'see....

Well, here's the thing about it.  It's a "cozy," tiny little shack that can seat thirty if you're lucky and don't mind sharing table space with complete (but cool) strangers.  Seriously, it's a tiny shack but the food is so good and the atmosphere is so comfortable that you're not going to notice so long as you're not claustrophobic or not in the mood to socialize.

With only one chef and possibly three waitstaff, the place is the definitive mom-and-pop joint, with all kinds of awesome kitsch adorning the walls.  The place is brightly painted, and the whole location radiates with a proud kinda love of the game, not just in cooking but in the hand-painted walls, the friendliness of the crew, everything about the place is just fuckin' awesome.

The menu's have the kind of hand-done charm that a true diner SHOULD have, and the pride in their food...well, shit, let's get to the meat of this thing, sunn.







 That's right, motherfuckin' "The Cure Burrito," the biggest godamndest breakfast burrito I've ever gotten for 10 bucks!  LOADED with roasted (at least they tasted roasted!) potatoes, HUGE chunks of ham, eggs, and I don't know how they prepared the strips of onions and bell pepper, but jesus christ it was delicious!  And did I mention chorizo gravvy?  Because yes, that's chorizo gravy.


Now, what I got has destroyed better men than I, oh dear Reader!  BUT, I am happy to say I had defeated the beast...


Then OVERKILLED that motherfucker, destroying my third cup of coffee and the water to boot.  Why?



Er, that is, conquer it. :3  SO, view now this bounteous feast, laid out for thine eyes and ravaged and ravished by my destructive maw!

Or some junk.

Anyway, Ace got the Pulled Pork and Hash Browns-n-Eggs, and yes...soooooo fuckin' good!  Did I mention the coffee rub and marinade said pulled pork gets?

The char tasted like bacon, godammit!!!!

Oh yeaaaaah, slow roasted goodness!  AND, to make matters even better?

THAT'S SPELLED "MAN SAUCE," BOY!  Do you see that grip?  That fucking grip?  That's the Hooligan representation of how fucking awesome this barbecue sauce is, made in-house and starting with a coffee reduction!

Coffee.  Barbecue.  Sauce.

Now, I've been a huge lover of local barbecue sauces for awhile now...and Sweet Baby Ray's (not a local, but still) is STILL the best I've ever had.  A close second?

This one has beaten out every other local sauce and proceeded to take their lunch money.

Holy SHIT this is good!  Mix it with the chorizo gravy, and you've got yourself a sure-fire Hooligan DELIGHT!

Suffice it to say, I love this place.  It doesn't beat Little Cheerful out, especially with the claustrophobic surroundings and time (they only have one chef, after all!), but pound for pound this place packs TOO much good food under one tiny-assed roof!  Honestly, this is the first time an eatery has tied with Little Cheerful in my heart, and y'know what?

That's just fine. :D

Fucking, dig these extra pic, yo!  Good GOD, this food man...


THIS is how you eat a goddamn breakfast burrito smothered in chorizo gravy and coffee-reduced barbecue sauce!

But y'know what?  Fuck what ya heard, it's time for Brass Tacks~!

521 Kentucky Street 
Bellingham, WA
(360) 676-6218


Yes, that says Salmon Hash and Eggs!  YES, they have Sweet Potato Tater Tots!!

The Redonkulous Pork Sandwich and the Barnyard Sandwich or can-NOT tell me that doesn't sound good, and I'm not even that into chicken-fried steak!!!!

Cons: Despite the awesome decor and wonderful paint job, I need to seriously point out the cramped conditions.  Well, "cramped" is too harsh a word - "cozy" is better, but there's a reason why on the menu they have "Eat it and beat it" on there.  They honestly love their customers (you can NOT give portions like this at the prices they charge without having love of the game now!), but the bar is ALWAYS full, the place is pretty packed and yer gonna have to leave your social phobias and claustrophobia at the door if you want to eat in-house.  Otherwise, order and wait your punk ass at the car!

Also, did you note those times?  This place is breakfast/brunch/lunch onry, and they don't even serve lunches on the weekends. :3  There ARE reasons, but I forgot it the moment I took a bite of that chorizo gravy~!

VERDICT: I am going to come back here.  I am going to come back here SOON!  I am going to come back here and perhaps bring a friend or two, but to be quite honest I'm going to come here early in the morning and jack a spot at the bar.  I will then proceed to eat and drink for nigh on four hours and smirk and snark at ANYONE who attempts to persuade me to leave my spot.

And woebetide the first person who attempts to get me to leave while I'm still eating and drinking coffee!!!

Rageometer: >broken<  Y'know, this doesn't even register on the Rageometer.  I simply canNOT hate on this place!  Say what you will about the closeness of the company, the waitstaff and menu apparently doesn't mind if you mingle there, and they'll even seat complete strangers at the big "drafting" tables.  This is the kind of place where you can partake in every conversation in the room and no one minds.  This is the kind of place where you can see something you like, ask the person if it's good and find yourself in a conversation with the entire room comparing meals and offering each other the various sauces that have made their way around the room.

And with pineapple habanero and coffee-reduced barbecue sauce, that's a GOOD thing!

I am happy.  I am so fucking happy with this place!

PIC Segment: >broken indefinitely<

Sorry, dear Reader, but I've come across the idea recently that I don't even need a PIC.  It was nice while it lasted, but until I find a constant companion, reckon I won't really be needin' this...unless you guys ask nicely enough.  Maybe THEN I'll bring it back.  'til then, fuck it. :3

On the other hand, here's a few other opinions that apparently mirror mine!

Wait, do I spy a BAD review on these guys?  Why I oughta...I understand not everyone can be made happy, but seriously - this guy has the ONLY bad review I see. :3  Apparently he tried them twice.  Apparently, he disliked their offerings both times.

I do wonder if there's a second side to that story though, lol...

Overall: fast shipping, superb service, A+++, would buy from again, great vendor!  I am SO coming back for those fucking sweet potato tater tots....I WILL DESTROY A FULLY-LOADED CHUCK BURGER OR HOT GREEN MESS NEXT, JUST YOU WATCH!!!!!  FOR I AM THE TRUE EMPEROR OF BELLINGHAM!!!!!  D:<<<


~That Bastard From Bellingham

P.S. - S-sssssoooooo fucking good!!!!!!!

P.P.S. - In b4 "The Yummy Bits had pictures first" I don't care I have a smartphone now, nigga. :3

P.P.P.S. - In b4 "The Other Yummy Bits" I did that joke first, stop bein' a basic bitch. =@3@=

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Generalist, now on sale at Amazon!

Yeap.  It's happened.  I'm sellin' The Generalist - Taboo 0: Cliché of Memories over at Amazong right the hell now~!  All 44 pages with as complete an editing job as I can muster, a bit more content (to patch up some of the holes I purposefully left in when I posted it here~!), and also with this snazzy cover done by none other than Jade herself over at Jaded Shots (!

So the current edition of Taboo 0 is, well not WONKY, but I'm reformatting it for Smashwords (so you Nook readers and fellow Barnes and Noble whores can snag it up~!) and will be moving the Authors' Notes to the back.  That and a major relevation: it's currently up for $2.99, which is outrageous since I wasn't going to raise the price until Taboo 1 is released~!  It SHOULD be at the wonderfully low price of $1.50, but bah...fucking Amazong is dragging their feet.

Still, I'm as excited as it gets and am more than willin' to spread this around!  Let yer friends know, tell yer folks, scream it to the goddamn hills.

The Man In Black is slingin' dem books.

Retweet mah tweets, repost dem posts, spread that link around!  OR you can search me on Amazon simply by typing in "Thomas Duder" or "Thomas Duder The Generalist" at the Amazong search bar~!

I'd suggest waiting 'til the price drops to $1.50, but hey - if you've already read it here and like what you've read, go ahead and gimme some stars and a review!  If you can't afford the buck fiddy, an honest review and star will help me out tremendously anyway. :D

Buy the e-book as a cheap gift for your loved one!  Hell, buy a Kindle and pre-load it with this puppy before putting it in their stocking stuffer!

Do what you do, mah peoples, and spread it around~!


~Thomas Duder

P.S. - Say, you on the KDP Forums?  I've been recently stomping around over at that unmoderated trolls' paradise and havin' a ball!  There's some genuinely sensitive souls there, and people who genuinely are looking to expand their marketing networks and establish new contacts as well as learning tips and tricks of marketing and self-publishing.

Then there's people like me, and those are the one's I've been jukin' around with. :D

So if yer already there, gimme a holler at "thomasduder" yeah?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

7/16/12 - Munchin' at Menchies~!

Y'know, there's rarely a time I go to a place and just love it up so much that I can't shut the hell up about it.

One of those places is Menchies.

Now, I don't know what it's like out in Seattle, but Menchies here in Bellingham?  Dude, Fro Yo done RIGHT!  Now, perhaps yer just not into frozen yogurt, and that's cool.  Or maybe yer lactose intolerant and all you CAN have is frozen yogurt.

That's cool too, y'know?

Suffice it to say, Menchies can and will happily scratch that itch you've been craving, even when you're not expecting it, y'knowwhatImean?  With toppings aplenty and OH TRUST ME these toppings ARE aplenty, you'll never see the same two mixes in a single outing.  They got your usuals, split between fruit and candies but then things get reaaaaally interesting.  Sure they got yer rainbow chocolate sprinkles and bananas and maraschino cherries, but they also have rainbow mochi bites, those tiny mint chocolate drops, lychee, freakin' captain' crunch berries, I mean...there's just quite a few 'unique' toppings you'll find here.

And then there's the yogurt.  Oh god, oh god, red velvet cake yogurt.

Fuck you, it was SOOOO FREAKIN' DERISHUUUUUUS!  This time around though, I went straight for the vanilla and mint.  Like any good yogurt shop, they let you combine flavors as a matter of rote, y'know?  Like it's actually built into the machine or some such.  It's just honestly good stuff, and y'never know when you just NEED some Menchies.

And oh god, cookie dough bites, cheescake bites, fudge brownie bites, crushed andies mints, crushed grasshopper mints, rainbow sparkles, blueberries...because fuck yeah, that's why.

They have a rechargable card system that works like stamps, where you build up points towards free yogurt or discounts, or Menchies swag.  Lately they've also begun giving away free "infinity flip cards," that are so....just so fuckin'....

Okay, I'm an easily entertained gent, alright?  This shit is amazing.  I literally sat there for five minutes just flipping this thing and laughing like a moron.

Y'know what's the best part?  I keep hearing that the one in Seattle has, like, a WALL of toppings.  Yeah, the MOMENT I dig on that you guys'll get an update. :D  Like Willy Wonka style.  Not the creepy boat ride one, but the one where they just entered his candy kingdom and he's singing World of Imagination.

On a final note, you can keep the spoon if you want...and booooy do I~!  I've got two thus far, and it's not like they have other spoons but I find that just looking at it can evoke happy memories, y'know?  Plus you never know when you need a spoon this size, it's just...fuckin' perfect.  Look, stop looking at me like that, these spoons are cool I tell you!  Plus they're green, one of my favorite colors. :D

Ugh.  Fuck the dumb shit, it's Tacks Made Of Brass Tiem!

1070 Lakeway Drive 
Bellingham, WA
(360) 393-3811

PROS: I am happy.  I am so fucking happy with this place.  No problems whatsoever. :D  Even the decor is bright and yogurtly inviting.  Yes I typed yogurtly, what, you wanna fight about it?

CONS: The strange melancholy that comes upon one when they realize they just ate all the Menchies you had in the cup, then the further melancholy you get when you honestly think to yourself that it might be worth it to get more.  Seriously, it's not like they're expensive-expensive...they weigh something like 40 cents to the ounce.  But considering that you're probably gonna pile on the toppings, and that's after getting the maximum amount of yogurt that you want after your favorite flavor or combination of flavors...yeaaaah.  Did I mention they have quite a variety of flavors that change around hither and thither?

Fuckin' awesome. yeah, no cons. :D


Rageometer: How negative can I get with this thing?  1 out of 10.  Just not even mad at all, I am as completely opposite the day after as I can ever be at a place.  Hell, when I had me some of this delicious I suddenly got energized and zipped around town handlin' shit...which is cool since there were several festivals to take in that were all going down yesterday, plus the museums.


PIC Rageometer: >BROKEN<

For more reviews of Menchies and a second opinion, check these links out:


~That Bastard From Bellingham

P.S. - Dude, they also let you taste for free!  DID YOU HEAR ME?!  LIKE, ALL THE YOGURTS.


P.P.S. - Just a heads up, it's not a con...but from time to time, depending on time and day, the line at Menchis stretches out like it's a freakin' red carpet party.  Seriously, you gotta eyeball the place and make sure you get in during a time where there isn't a lot of families, kids, or after-work blue-collar stiffs getting a fro-yo fix.  Lunchtime midday, I'd say, or early in the day but not so early they're not even open yet, y'knowwhatImean?

G'wan down, check it out~!

Monday, April 16, 2012


Closing down to ghost properly.  If you don't catch me around the usual places (chat rooms, here at the blogosphere, faecbawks, twitter/twitlonger, etc) then it's because I haven't regained communications yet.

Don't worry though~!  I still got plenty of stuff for you guys once I get back - the usual bevvy of song lyrics and poetry and even some actual, GASP, writing~!!  Like stories and shit.

Also, collabs.  Fo shizzle, my nizzle - don't wanna give it away or nothin', but apparently there's a coupla projects that might star yours truly in it.  In the very least, I'll be involved.  Hopefully I won't be the towel boy or fluffer again - I should be able to at least headline my own video, y'know?!

In all honesty, sometimes I really wish I accepted the porn job over at Vivid Video.  At least I'd be having more fun, yah?

In the meantime, get caught up with my other blogs, or just stalk me on the usual social media bullshit, yeah?  Hey, I'm good all over!

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: : /ThatBastardFromBellingham (
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder

The Sound Byte Page (though really all you gotta do is just follow me at Youtube, y'know?)

The Pen Is My Sword

That Bastard On

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio

Sooth(e) Your Freaking Beast

Man-Flavored Milk

Netflix This!

The Bellingham Jerk

Legion HQ! (currently disbanded)

P.S. -

Funny story  time.

Our Main Street Pub and Grill live gig video?  For Anubis Unit?  When we opened up there?

It got us 48 new subscribers and 1,660 views.

Imagine what that photo shoot would've done?

Well, that's neither here nor there.  Just gonna hafta rebuild and go ahead after I move back to Bellingham.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Holidays!

Whether it's Easter or Ostara, or whatever have ya, hope y'all had a happy one!

Eat yer jesus eggs, devour dat chocolate, have a good time!

From all of me to all of you!

~That Bastard

P.S. - Don't forget the new campaign: retweet my blog tweets, share my faecbawks updates about said blogs, and go fave all eight blogs and pass 'em around to yer friends.

The Pen Is My Sword

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: : /ThatBastardFromBellingham (
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder

Friday, March 16, 2012

3/16/2012 - Branching Out To Franchises

Yeah, I fucking hate Jack n' the Box right now.  Seriously Jack n' the Crack, y'all are in scary-high watch alert right now!

Okay, just a little while ago they had the best fucking deal in the world.  Delicious bacon chicken sandwich, curly fries, small sprite no ice, and two janky-assed pure delicious tacos, all for around or less 5 bucks.

Now, THAT much food for under five bucks is a good fuckin' deal, y'knowwhatImean?  Some people would even argue about how you can get a similarly awesome deal over at Taco Bell, but y'know what?  I don't fuckin' want Taco Bell, I want janky-assed, fake-assed, delicious-assed tacos from Jack 'n the Box.

Now, as these things are goin' to do, the deal eventually passed on.  Much sorrow in that I could not have it more often (only had it a coupla times while the deal was on), but hey - that shit's bad for you anyway.

So recently, I decided to try the newest thing from them.  Bacon double cheeseburger or some such.

Yeah.  No.

Fuck no.

Dear god no.

Okay, it's not THAT bad to be quite honest, I mean...the pickles were tasty at least.  But they were so overpowering, the flavors of the burger itself was just so screwed up and out of balance, and even for a small combo it came over 6 bucks.  UNFORGIVEABLE!  Ultimately, I just decided to set the experience aside and go on with my life.  Nothin' too major, every company and person makes a mistake, yeah?

Then this recent Sunday went down.

Now I was pissed off to begin with, even after calming the fuck down over at my friend Ace's (, but in my somewhat-angry somewhat-cool mood I decided I wanted some chicken strips, that it was what I was cravin' for at the time.

Now, I'm not one for chicken most of the time.  It's weird, I guess I had so much of it growing up that now that I'm an adult I'm just meh about it.  I'll EAT chicken, but most of the time it'll be in chicken burger format (grilled, thank you very much, but honestly most of the time breaded and baked).  Now recently I had acquired some chicken strips from the Safeway in Lynden, and oh god they were good.  They were GOOD.  They were...just fuckin' GOOD!  Costco huge and deliciously breaded, perfectly cooked, no greasy sensation on my fingers and they don't settle like bricks in the stomach.  Good stuff altogether, y'knowwhatImean?  And oh god with the ranch and the breading is just PERFECT...good stuff all around!

Now, two things.  One, I had upped and outed from my friends' place at a rather late hour (around 10 or 11 p.m.), and as I've mentioned in a previous blogpost that this sleepy little town of ours closes down at around 8 p.m. or so, except for specific spots.

So.  Here I am, 10 p.m. or so on a Sunday in Bellingham and I'm craving chicken strips like a motherfucker.  I go down to the Haggens (24/7 shoppin'), hopin' I can get there in time, figuring that Safeway is probably closed by now.  Sadly enough, nope...the deli's closed (which also adds to a LONG LIST of things that were already closed or simply cancelled out on me that day).

KNOWING in my soul that Safeway is gonna be closed by the time I get there, I decide to go to the last place I know that's open right now and I can acquire the chicken strips I desire (and that isn't filled with hipsters, like Applebees is at this hour).

So into the darkness of Chaos goeth childe Bastard.

And indeed, there I am.  Jack n' the Box, round 2.

And they fail.

They FAILED me!

They failed so fucking hard it's not funny.  Now it's not the service, that was pretty cool.  Got a good window guy and everythin', y'know?  Even hooked me up with extra ranch when I asked for it.  But this is the second time now that I'd noticed that the Sprite tastes like seltzer water and the strips...

Oh, oh god.  I have never been so dissapoint in a fast-food franchise as I was that night.

The chicken strips were tiny, which is arguable - I had Safeway's chicken strips stuck in my head, y'know?  For all I know, these were average for strips.  But it was the greasiness...I mean, goddamn.  I could see through parts of the carton!!!  The fuck, the sheer amount of greasiness was fucking obscene!!!

The breading was meh, the flavor was non-existent in comparison to Safeway, and there was only three or four strips.  I don't even remember, it was so blah~!

So yeah.  There I am, chomping away at these horribly blah chicken strips, drinking down seltzer-water sprite and coming to a horrified realization.  Either my palate is losing its' vaunted ability to taste (which, by the way, it's not - I've since verified this, hnnngrasm) or Jack n' the Box has recently decided to water down its' sodas and pretty much screw with the flavor table of its' own products.  Probably to save a buck or three.

Because that's what it comes down to, doesn't it kids?  Make more money at the expense of your own consumer base, ugh.

For sacrificing quality (from TWO different Jack n' the Boxes nonetheless!) in order to allow your corporate executive bastards to continue living like rock stars, I'm officially putting you sad sacks back on my HAET YOU list.  You were on there three and a half years ago for constantly chintzing out on the bacon in my double bacon cheeseburgers (I said BACON ULTIMATE CHEESEBURGERS YOU FUCKING JACKHOLES!) and after digging your way out of that pit you've happily and eagerly slid back into it.

So sit there, you assholes.  Not you in the ground level, but those who control how much spice is put in, those who control how this pre-made stuff tastes, and from whom you've bought such ingredients from.

And fuck whatever corporate exec greenlighted the idea.  Every last one of you fucktards, in fact.

Ugh, do I even want to do a Brass Tacks on Jack n' the Box?  I also don't have a Partner in Crime for this, so I reckon y'all will simply have to take my word for it.  Hrmph.

Bah, time to shove these Brass Tacks into an orifice then go visit the doctor:

Jack in the Box (Got them greasy-assed chicken strips from here)
1075 East Sunset Drive
Bellingham, WA
(360) 671-7727

Jack in the Box (fuck your bacon cheeseburger)
8083 Guide Meridian Road
Lynden, WA
(360) 354-6679

PROS: Well, it's a Jack n' the Box.  Y'know, when they re-designed their restaurants lobby's, I was all about that shit.  Hung out there with friends, watched the Jack T.V. and everything.  It was fuckin' awesome.  The bathrooms always seem to be sub-par though, not design-wise just...not as good as they SHOULD be.  Dunno why.  Breakfast 24/7 is still always fuckin' good.  Also, dem curly fries.

CONS: Greasy-assed chicken strips, fuck that new bacon cheeseburger, and the tasteless soda.  I don't drink soda unless I'm sick (ginger ale and sprizzle for the win, whip that shit up with some juice and some Vitamin C+ booster of some sort, one of them fizzy tablet ones) or if I'm doin' fast food, plus taste is ultra-important to me, let's not forget this.  So yeah, yer gonna water down your sprizzle (er, personal slang for Sprite) and act like it's okay?  I don't blame the people on the ground level, I blame everyone above who actively chose to do this.  Fuck you guys.  Also, it feels like their prices have gone up...dunno how or why, it just seems like I"ve spent literally 1-2 bucks more for combos that I spent under 5 bucks not but four years ago.

VERDICT: I am personally putting a Fatwa on these fucktards, until they do a Dominoes and turn their shit around again.  At least Dominoes is consistent with their desire to be ALWAYS amazing.

Rageometer: 8/10.  Though that IS quite angry it's more of a bitter, disappointed anger.  If it was anyone else, it'd be a 10/10 for sheer rage, it's's Jack in the Box.  They should know better.  They should want to BE better to attract more customers, not try to bamboozle and fuck over the base they currently have.  God I miss the Jack n' the Box that was fuckin' awesome four years ago.  Sigh.

Do you even need alternate reviews?  HUH, much like my currently missing Partner-in-Crime section, reckon I'll forgo on this 'un since, well, EVERYONE knows Jack in the Box or knows someone who's gone there and hated on 'em recently.  Plenty of reviews out there, you'll figure it out. :3

'Til next time, mah audience and crew~!


~That Bastard

P.S. - Reckon I'll do this once a month or somethin'.  I simply don't have the money for restaurants, fast food or not.  On the other hand, I've got my eye on this little place...well, I'll tell you when we go there.

By we I mean my new Partner-In-Crime, a good friend of mine who's taste is verifiably different than mine, and can form his own opinions without my loud ass overpowering him.  Hell, it's why we're friends, y'know?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Grand Re-Opening.  If you've been following me here at The Bellingham Jerk, don't worry - I'm not DROPPING this blog, but rather I'll continue posting here whenever I go to a eatery that isn't a freakin' fast food restaurant.

Of course, I might actually expand to those as well.

I dunno, we'll see.

SO, don't worry mah peoples.  I'll still be bringing it.  But hey, I DO happen to have more material, sound bytes, the Chaos Party Radio blog, Anubis Unit, the sound bytes I"ve been doin', and (above all) my litblog that needs more of my poems uploaded, short stories, lyrics, and the Extreme Existence: Battleworld game.

So, lemme do some advertisin' here, then let's get to it!  Go follow me over at The Pen Is My Sword, and find it even easier to read my WALLS OF TEXT~!

The Pen Is My Sword

Legion HQ! (Anubis Unit's Blog)

KAOS: Chaos Party Radio

TWITTER: @ThatBastardFB
FACEBOOK: : /ThatBastardFromBellingham (
GOOGLES+: ThomasDuder (I think, lol - if anything use the e-mail to find me.)
Sound Bytes (By Playlist):

Shittychat Vocal Stuff

Shittychat Vocal Stuff 2: The Announcer Begins

Shittychat Vocal Stuff 3: The Announcer Is Helping

That Bastard's Vocal Garbage (VA stuff you'll probably see around here on the site, lol)

Last but not least, you can catch me taking breaks when not working stuff up over at

Big thanks to Bonafide Jones (with his help, I'll be starting a tumblr next), Jade Dragon (catch her on youtube with her links slathered all over my sound bytes - she made my images, and she also has a blog here that I'm making featured link in my next That Bastard On post), and also Shock over at Randoom Blog for makin' my KAOS Logo.

Big thanks to all my readers for putting up with my shit over the months I've been here.

Last but not least, thank you.  Yeah, you.  The jerky reading this.

Thanks, yo.

Be seein' ya 'round here at The Bellingham Jerk, where it all started for me.



~That Bastard

Monday, January 30, 2012

Pimpin' My Damn Self

Yeaaaaaap.  Have you visited my whoreblog, The Pen Is My Sword?  I've got quite a few choice literary pieces over there, including the publicly-released write-ups and poetry that I've done lately and awhile back.

Suffice it to say, it's mah litblog.  'Cuz I honestly believe you guys actually READ my walls of text, and might be willing to sit down and read some of my more meaningful stuff.

Speakin' of which, y'see that link?  In case ya don't, check this:

Now, I'm still writin' stuff up.  BUUUUUT I've already got the Kraze Armada already completely done for starting values and other nonsuch, and I've begun work on their storyline (as well as suggested map routes).  At least canon storyflow (depending on what choices you make) will be written up this way, with the rest added on as I go on.

I know I'm coming at this from the viewpoint of a writer, but that's what I do BEST, y'know?  Anyway, I can program myself but I'll eventually come to the Internets, my friends, and you guys - my readers - for help with the artwork and beta-testing and double-checkin' shit.

Until then I want to keep workin' at it and ensurin' that it's at least worth your time to read, y'know?  For what it's worth, the Kraze Armada (the "Shotoclone" of the game, not inexactly the main good guys but more than likely the one outside of the Krieg the audience will play first) is already shaping up to be pretty cool.  Lord knows if you base it on the characters alone they got more than a couple of my faves, but speakin' as the creator and as biased as I am - yeah, there's a favorite or three of mine in each kingdom, even the Goblinate Forces.

Anyway, this blog post is just to whore out my litblog and also highlight the work I've done on Battleworld thus far.  As soon as I can actually afford to go to a restaurant, I shall and, naturally, talk about it first here!

OH, do expect a KAOS: Chaos Party Radio post sometime too!  It seems like I DID get mentioned by Da Boys, and they even used some of my material!

Fuckin' AWESOME~!

Last but not least, my attention whore-ism has not been satisfied!  Tell your friends, tell yer lovers, tell yer fuckin' PARENTS 'bout me!  With 6 blogs and walls of text as big as my freakin' head, you'd think I'd have at least a LITTLE bit of somethin' worth yer time!

And hey, if I don't lemme know 'bout that too!

C'mon, bring that fine ass over here!


~That Bastard

Saturday, January 21, 2012

1/10/12 Fuck A Ruby's Dinettes

1/10/12 Fuck A Ruby's Dinettes

Is it me or do airport restaurants, whether they be fast food, small time, or "adult" dining establishments, completely blow fat guys for chump change?

No, fucking hear me out on this.  Once a year I go jetsetting to visit friends and family for Christmas and New Years, right?  Around this time I usually stay away from airport food simply due to high as fuck cost, right?

Well every now and then I snag a meal or two due to time constraints and sheer hunger.  Plus I don't eat anything until after I get off the bus/cab and right before I fly, 's how I control my nervousness about defying god and nature before once again defying god and nature.

So anyway, the little sandwich shop/bistro in Bellingham Airport ain't a bad place.  Pricey but tasty, and the turkey club with homemade pesto was a downright holiday delight.

Coffee sucked, but where I'm going there IS no coffee that ain't starbucks, so yeah...last taste of WA gets to be mediocre at best.

AND THEN you've got Ruby's Dinette.


Dramatic siiigh.

I'm going to firebomb this fucking tasteless, classless shithole.


No, seriously, shitsux.  ESPECIALLY the...well, the whole fucking thing.  As tasteless as cardboard, as thin as a 99 cent pizza (cardboard), and as satisfying as a mouthful of...well, cardboard!

And the first, Jesus Christ the fries!!!!  I've seen less sad and pathetic form from brokedown hookers in the middle of a monday, yo.

Seriously, shitREALLYfuckingsux.

For the price I paid ($16.06 oh dear god forgive me I was hungry and didn't notice that shit until it was too late) I got a double bacon crapburger with horrible fries and forgetfully flat medium-sized nestea raspberry, a feat that is actually impressive.  I mean how the fuck do you make NESTEA raspberry iced tea, of all things, taste flat?

I mean, how much work DOES it take to suck out all the delicious from raspberry iced tea?!!!

I will not only never come back here, but am urging EVERYONE to fucking embargo the bastards until they learn how to cook with actually good food.  Fuck these fucking fucks and double fuck LAX for having them there.

Well, I've raged about these bastards long enough.  I don't even want to give them BAD advertising, let alone anything else.

Ruby's Diner (what the fuck, they call themselves Dinette but Googles says their name is Diner)
LAX - Terminal 6 
Los Angeles, CA
(310) 646-2480

Pros: None.  NONE.  Even the "decor" felt forced.  Everything about this place is fucking horrible, I can't even use real english for it - it's just fucking horribad SO FUCKING HORRIBAD~!!  Hell is a free table at Ruby's Diner.  QUOTE!  ME!!!

Con: The food, the price, the "ambiance."  The service.  The fucking raspberry iced tea.   Everything that makes a restaurant what it is these people fucking fail at.  Did I mention the barely-cleaned tables?  With so many tables open, you'd think they'd have time to clean the fucking things - they didn't have a lot of people there, just enough to keep things open.  Shit, just...fuck these fucking fucks.

VERDICT: TSA didn't run me down inexactly as they just asked me what's up.  I explained myself and indeed, the lady who had approached me agreed with me.  These fucks are horrible.  The bar cannot be lowered any more than this, and I've been to a couple of dives in my time.  D-grade joints have more class than this fucking place.  Fuck 'em, let's never talk about this shitstain of a eatery again, alright?  Just, fuck...FUCK!!!!

Rageometer: 10 out of 10, absolute MAXIMUM FUCK levels.  The earth should be salted after their destruction.  I am just THAT disappoint at these jackwads.

I cannot curse hard enough at these goat molesters and actually spent two solid minutes glaring at their sign before I got chased down by T.S.A.

Yeah, you bastards.  I'm THAT guy.  Also, Brooke, if you are reading this I still don't blame you for doing your job - 's all good, girl.

Usually I'd put a Partner-In-Crime's quote and second opinion here (which usually goes from a radical range of same as me to absolute opposite mine), but I'm currently lacking in that department plus it was a solo run anyway. Don't worry kids, I DO have a Partner-In-Crime in mind, one that shares the same exemplary details of not cowtowing to my overbearing personality and is able to be honest with his opinions.  The only difference?  Just a bro, just a bro.

Of course he's MY bro, so naturally that makes him perfect for the job.

Anyway, instead of hearing me jabber on about how bad these jumped-up fucks are, check out these other reviews: ("Critic Reviews" lol)


P.P.S. - The fuck, are they Ruby's Diner or Ruby's Dinettes?  I'm starting to see a pattern here, amongst really bad restaurants - they can never decide inexactly what their fucking name is.  Gah.  Oh yeah, and then there's the big band music someone was piping in from their IPOD.  I dunno, just reinforced how fucking plastic and fake that place is.