Saturday, January 21, 2012

1/10/12 Fuck A Ruby's Dinettes

1/10/12 Fuck A Ruby's Dinettes

Is it me or do airport restaurants, whether they be fast food, small time, or "adult" dining establishments, completely blow fat guys for chump change?

No, fucking hear me out on this.  Once a year I go jetsetting to visit friends and family for Christmas and New Years, right?  Around this time I usually stay away from airport food simply due to high as fuck cost, right?

Well every now and then I snag a meal or two due to time constraints and sheer hunger.  Plus I don't eat anything until after I get off the bus/cab and right before I fly, 's how I control my nervousness about defying god and nature before once again defying god and nature.

So anyway, the little sandwich shop/bistro in Bellingham Airport ain't a bad place.  Pricey but tasty, and the turkey club with homemade pesto was a downright holiday delight.

Coffee sucked, but where I'm going there IS no coffee that ain't starbucks, so yeah...last taste of WA gets to be mediocre at best.

AND THEN you've got Ruby's Dinette.


Dramatic siiigh.

I'm going to firebomb this fucking tasteless, classless shithole.


No, seriously, shitsux.  ESPECIALLY the...well, the whole fucking thing.  As tasteless as cardboard, as thin as a 99 cent pizza (cardboard), and as satisfying as a mouthful of...well, cardboard!

And the first, Jesus Christ the fries!!!!  I've seen less sad and pathetic form from brokedown hookers in the middle of a monday, yo.

Seriously, shitREALLYfuckingsux.

For the price I paid ($16.06 oh dear god forgive me I was hungry and didn't notice that shit until it was too late) I got a double bacon crapburger with horrible fries and forgetfully flat medium-sized nestea raspberry, a feat that is actually impressive.  I mean how the fuck do you make NESTEA raspberry iced tea, of all things, taste flat?

I mean, how much work DOES it take to suck out all the delicious from raspberry iced tea?!!!

I will not only never come back here, but am urging EVERYONE to fucking embargo the bastards until they learn how to cook with actually good food.  Fuck these fucking fucks and double fuck LAX for having them there.

Well, I've raged about these bastards long enough.  I don't even want to give them BAD advertising, let alone anything else.

Ruby's Diner (what the fuck, they call themselves Dinette but Googles says their name is Diner)
LAX - Terminal 6 
Los Angeles, CA
(310) 646-2480

Pros: None.  NONE.  Even the "decor" felt forced.  Everything about this place is fucking horrible, I can't even use real english for it - it's just fucking horribad SO FUCKING HORRIBAD~!!  Hell is a free table at Ruby's Diner.  QUOTE!  ME!!!

Con: The food, the price, the "ambiance."  The service.  The fucking raspberry iced tea.   Everything that makes a restaurant what it is these people fucking fail at.  Did I mention the barely-cleaned tables?  With so many tables open, you'd think they'd have time to clean the fucking things - they didn't have a lot of people there, just enough to keep things open.  Shit, just...fuck these fucking fucks.

VERDICT: TSA didn't run me down inexactly as they just asked me what's up.  I explained myself and indeed, the lady who had approached me agreed with me.  These fucks are horrible.  The bar cannot be lowered any more than this, and I've been to a couple of dives in my time.  D-grade joints have more class than this fucking place.  Fuck 'em, let's never talk about this shitstain of a eatery again, alright?  Just, fuck...FUCK!!!!

Rageometer: 10 out of 10, absolute MAXIMUM FUCK levels.  The earth should be salted after their destruction.  I am just THAT disappoint at these jackwads.

I cannot curse hard enough at these goat molesters and actually spent two solid minutes glaring at their sign before I got chased down by T.S.A.

Yeah, you bastards.  I'm THAT guy.  Also, Brooke, if you are reading this I still don't blame you for doing your job - 's all good, girl.

Usually I'd put a Partner-In-Crime's quote and second opinion here (which usually goes from a radical range of same as me to absolute opposite mine), but I'm currently lacking in that department plus it was a solo run anyway. Don't worry kids, I DO have a Partner-In-Crime in mind, one that shares the same exemplary details of not cowtowing to my overbearing personality and is able to be honest with his opinions.  The only difference?  Just a bro, just a bro.

Of course he's MY bro, so naturally that makes him perfect for the job.

Anyway, instead of hearing me jabber on about how bad these jumped-up fucks are, check out these other reviews: ("Critic Reviews" lol)


P.P.S. - The fuck, are they Ruby's Diner or Ruby's Dinettes?  I'm starting to see a pattern here, amongst really bad restaurants - they can never decide inexactly what their fucking name is.  Gah.  Oh yeah, and then there's the big band music someone was piping in from their IPOD.  I dunno, just reinforced how fucking plastic and fake that place is.


  1. I've only been to LAX twice and have never seen this shithole. Thank god! If I'm paying $16 for a burger, it better be a goddamn gourmet burger. I can't believe the shit airports get away with. Like, at LAX, even though they have a McDonalds, the McDonalds doesn't have a value meal like regular ones do, so you're forced to buy the most expensive options only. Last time I was there, I thought maybe I'd do that and get a 99 cent cheeseburger because I was just a little hungry. But nope, fuck that. I'd rather starve.

  2. Oh, oh lawd, ALL airports can be pretty bad but at least you'll get what you pay for when it comes to Burger Kings and coffee shops.

    Even without a value menu option, you'll at least get quality that is the usual from what you get if you went off-airport for it.

    But this? THIS?!

    $16.06 broski. Sixteen dollars and six cents.

    Much like when I was learning how to play poker, it's a pricey lesson but it's one that I've got filed away until Alzheimer's takes me away.

    Fuck LAX, fuck Ruby's Dinette or Diner or whatever, and fuck whatever greaseball little chucklefuck who thought this was an OKAY thing.

    And fuck every single pair of clown shoes who MAKE it okay by going to these places on a consistent basis.

    Seriously, I'm telling EVERYONE I know and quite a few people I don't know 'bout this, just to ensure that their hard-earned money doesn't end up in these jackwads quarterly profiles.

  3. Thanks for the heads up! I'll never eat there!

  4. Wow! Many pitfalls to dining just right. haha

  5. @Bersercules - Good, screw those guys!

    @Copyboy - it isn't just dining in a certain way, it's just an issue about fairness, in the very least. Of principle. $16.06 shouldn't get you a few strands of hay and a shovel to the face, especially if you're jet-lagged, hungry, irritable, tired and not thinking. This is damn near a situation of exploitation, and needs to be addressed.

    Fuck those chucklefucks and monkeyfuck LAX for letting this happen.